Quote Originally Posted by Irulan View Post
Mom of two in college, I have to make a few comments.

The money thing is in some ways, total BS. The little princes and princesses do NOT have to have the best of everything. There are lots of ways to do really cool things with your kids that do not require a huge outlay.

My nursery was decorated in "garage sale". The designer clothes were handmedowns, as were many of their toys. We skipped the team sports thing. We didn't eat a lot of fast food. We made a lot of trips to the library, skipped the play station....you get the picture. My city has free kids concerts once a month. You just have to get creative.

What if your kid HATES ballet? The boy who is going to want to do it is rare, and I'll caution you right now that forcing what you think a kid should learn can sometimes backfire.

And as for the snowboarding thing....We are a very active outdoors family. When the youngest was 18 mos old, DH joined the ski patrol so we could get family passes. Youngest was on the ski hill on leashes, before he was out of diapers. We did LOTS of camping, family raft trips, ski trips, etc. Sure, it's a ton more work, but when people tell me that their active lifestyle ended with kids... another load of crap. They are just too lazy to figure out how to make it work. That's their choice of course.

And you can take them out of school for a week. We've done it for raft trips ( 10 days in Alaska) and ski trips. They can bring their homework along. The only times this didn't work was when each kid was a senior in HS.

I've got issues with your friend telling you that you NEED to have a kid etc. Granted its become an important part of her life, but that may not be what's right for you.

It's never black and white. So many ways to do it or not do it. Listen to what is right for your family ( which could just be the two of you)
Yeah, thanks. I agree.

One thing people who have kids DO sacrifice is thinking in absolutes. Saying "should, will, must, always, never" goes right out the window when there's another free will involved. Those of you without children may need to remember that there, but for your choices, go you!

All of us are "blind" about children, what it will do to us, what it won't. What might have been if we had not had them. I resent the implication that people who choose to be childless are somehow superior at knowing themselves, and especially superior at guessing what childrearing is like, and how it will affect them and their lives. You don't know what you don't know. Sure, you may have an inkling of what you can't tolerate. Knowing your limits is a wonderful thing. But I often hear fear and ignorance in expression of those limits. If you want to be open to children, be open to the idea that you might change your mind about a lot of things.

I also resent when someone says that babies are gross and icky. I think it's an insult on a human dignity level, and one should take a look at their own naked selves, and maybe predict the future, too, when one may be icky and gross again and someone else has to clean up after them. It's how we all are. Gross and icky with obvious bodily functions, and by gosh our emotions are out there sometimes, too, for all the world to see! Don't hold it against the creatures that are new to this Earth, because it was you, and it will be you again some day.

I am also continually dismayed that the religious idea that humans are born sinful has so invaded our society and our collective psyche that most people do not see babies, children or others of any age as basically good, and afford them the human dignity of all that entails. Children are not born whining. They are born crying to get their needs met, a biological call-and-answer, and if their needs are met, they don't learn to whine.

Please do not have children if you do not want them.

Karen