Baby showers at work & not knowing

[Irulan]

Miss Manners has had quite a bit to say on the subject. I was looking for the columns where she talks about people being greedy and trying to get what they can but that might be the bridal shower topic. This is the best I could come up with.

Dear Miss Manners,
I have a question about a situation at work. I am an elementary school teacher at a large school. We have over 60 teachers on staff.

With so many teachers, we frequently have wedding showers or baby showers. My grade level passes around an envelope and expects everyone to contribute a predetermined amount. Most of the time, I do not know the person that the gift is for. My husband and I are very much living on a budget, as I am putting him through graduate school right now.

So far, I have simply said that we live on a budget, and I didn't feel I could afford to contribute anything, especially since I did not know the person. What do you suggest I say if anyone objects to this or makes a big deal of it? There have been numerous requests for money already.

Gentle Reader,
This sort of thing is a hazard of the modern work place, but it is difficult for the individual to quash. When you very sensibly refuse to contribute to a present you can't afford for someone you don't even know -- or, for that matter, anyone with whom you do not have a personal friendship -- you look mean.

But Miss Manners assures that there are others who feel as you do. Group action is required. Choose a time when no such events are looming, and suggest to your colleagues that there ought to be a policy regarding celebrations -- that they be confined to personal friends, for example, or that they be recognized by a card that everyone signs.

[Crankin]

I also despise these things. Especially the work ones. However, at my last school, we had fun mixed gender showers for the engaged couples or new parents. Since it was a small school, I either contributed to a group gift or gave on my own, if I knew the person well.
What I object to is the silly "girlish" games and stuff of that sort. If it's just a party to socialize, it's not so bad.

[tulip]

I believe that baby showers and wedding showers have no place at work. If someone wants to organize one for a colleague--fine, but as a private event. When I worked in a place that did these things, I would take the envelope and pass it to the next person.