Baby showers at work & not knowing

[lph]

We don't have baby showers here so I find the whole concept a little weird. Where I work a new parent (or a newly-wed, or any other special celebration) will receive flowers "officially" from the workplace, but all other gifts are personal. Sometimes someone will start a pool and buy a larger gift, but there's no pressure to give if you don't the person well.

[wildhawk]

I work in a fairly large company and have been to a few of these events. It is very awkward when you do not know the person well. Someone in our co. starts a card around and they either take up a collection for the mom-to-be or they host a baby shower on premises. I will pitch in if I know the person or the circumstances (we have had cases where the family needs help with expenses). But I would prefer to give an individual gift to someone I know. I was the recipient of a shower when I adopted my dog a few years ago. My co-workers had ordered an “It’s A Girl!” cake and had wrapped up all kinds of puppy toys and gifts. It was kinda cool - but since I am childless, I guess they felt my puppy was the closest I would get to having a real kid!

[uforgot]

A baby shower is for "showering" the parents with things they need for the new baby. Same with a bridal shower. (And don't go there about showering the bride with gifts for the baby! I know you guys...) If you don't know the person well, you aren't obligated to go. I had them, I've given/gone to many and enjoy them. Usually it's someone I was going to "gift" anyway.

[Aggie_Ama]

We are a small company and have them which doesn't bother me but I buy small. There is one next week for a girl I know to the extent of hellos in coffee bar, hall or bathroom. I will probably get something practical like diapers or wipes because they are relatively cheap and always necessary. In some parts of the US you only have a shower for the first. This is her second but it is a different gender from the first.

[roadie gal]

I despise bridal and baby showers. I'll even avoid family ones if possible. For the work ones, I'll contribute a small amount to a group gift if I don't know the person well. If the person is a friend of mine, I'll contribute more and I'll go to the party.

[Irulan]

Miss Manners has had quite a bit to say on the subject. I was looking for the columns where she talks about people being greedy and trying to get what they can but that might be the bridal shower topic. This is the best I could come up with.

Dear Miss Manners,
I have a question about a situation at work. I am an elementary school teacher at a large school. We have over 60 teachers on staff.

With so many teachers, we frequently have wedding showers or baby showers. My grade level passes around an envelope and expects everyone to contribute a predetermined amount. Most of the time, I do not know the person that the gift is for. My husband and I are very much living on a budget, as I am putting him through graduate school right now.

So far, I have simply said that we live on a budget, and I didn't feel I could afford to contribute anything, especially since I did not know the person. What do you suggest I say if anyone objects to this or makes a big deal of it? There have been numerous requests for money already.

Gentle Reader,
This sort of thing is a hazard of the modern work place, but it is difficult for the individual to quash. When you very sensibly refuse to contribute to a present you can't afford for someone you don't even know -- or, for that matter, anyone with whom you do not have a personal friendship -- you look mean.

But Miss Manners assures that there are others who feel as you do. Group action is required. Choose a time when no such events are looming, and suggest to your colleagues that there ought to be a policy regarding celebrations -- that they be confined to personal friends, for example, or that they be recognized by a card that everyone signs.

[Crankin]

I also despise these things. Especially the work ones. However, at my last school, we had fun mixed gender showers for the engaged couples or new parents. Since it was a small school, I either contributed to a group gift or gave on my own, if I knew the person well.
What I object to is the silly "girlish" games and stuff of that sort. If it's just a party to socialize, it's not so bad.

[tulip]

I believe that baby showers and wedding showers have no place at work. If someone wants to organize one for a colleague--fine, but as a private event. When I worked in a place that did these things, I would take the envelope and pass it to the next person.