My Heart is Breaking

[Biciclista]

If he's not the nurturing type, he's going to get tired really fast of dealing with this child. Likely the child will be plopped into the arms of a mom or a girlfriend.
You will be able to tell quickly if the child is unhappy with daddy.

Sadly, too many people use children as their way of fighting their ex.
Hopefully this guy will get tired of it quickly.

Your sister needs a better lawyer. sadly, that's how things get done in this country. spend as much $$ for a lawyer as you can, it's worth it.

[pardes]

Just start making calls to all state agencies. Believe me, someone who is calm and continues to call WILL get heard. Remain calm and firm and expect and demand an investigation. Start with Child Protective Services, even if you've called them before. They cannot and will not ignore multiple calls...they are required to document such calls. Call at different times of the day and speak to different people. Call her school. Write calm letters requesting help.

As hard as it may be, stay calm yet assertive and make it clear that you will not rest until she is safe and gets the help she needs.

Not even the most hardened official can deny someone trying to protect a child who will not give up.

[GraysonKelly]

Just start making calls to all state agencies. Believe me, someone who is calm and continues to call WILL get heard. Remain calm and firm and expect and demand an investigation. Start with Child Protective Services, even if you've called them before. They cannot and will not ignore multiple calls...they are required to document such calls. Call at different times of the day and speak to different people. Call her school. Write calm letters requesting help.

As hard as it may be, stay calm yet assertive and make it clear that you will not rest until she is safe and gets the help she needs.

Not even the most hardened official can deny someone trying to protect a child who will not give up.

Which state? Sister and niece live in one state and he lives in another. Which state agencies do i contact? Can I conact them or does my sister have to do it? I am so willing to do this.

[pardes]

Start with the state where your sister and niece live. It won't do much good to contact his state at this point.

All states have a main number (information line) for state agencies. I work for the State of Delaware and we have a "no wrong door" policy that if anyone calls the wrong number all operators have to get them to the right people and not blow them off. Ask for the "Child Protective Services" unit. Ask to speak to a supervisor there and explain your dilemma.

State workers are all overloaded with too much work but all of the child units are like us and will go out of their way to help a child.

Be sure and call her school or better yet have the mother call the school to arrange special counseling for her. All states are required to furnish the services any child needs and the little girl obviously has some severe mental trauma that is keeping her from speaking.

Also, call your political representatives, councilman, mayor, governor's office and ask for what agencies they can recommend for help. Carbon copy all of the people you contact to each other. When they see that you are very serious about hanging in for the long haul, they will take you seriously. It's their JOB to serve citizens and protect those who can't defend themselves.

Your sister may need you to be the proactive one. She is probably as damaged by her daughter's damage as anyone and may just feel too paralyzed to be proactive at this time. Let her know you are there to help, not judge, not convict, just get the help that is needed.

And talk to your niece. Don't make promises that you can't deliver on but tell her that you are doing everything you can to make her feel safe. That alone could be more helpful than anything. Even a child knows that sometimes there are no miracles but as long as someone understands her pain and will always be there for her, it makes life not so frightening for her.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Trek420]

The child won't talk, not that she can't talk, but wont. Some things there just aren't words for.

Even at 18 months besides all that's been suggested I'd get the kid in art therapy at some point. Maybe in the future when she's in a safer more supportive place.

www.arttherapy.org

These folks can use art to heal what words might not be able to express This may give the child some relief from the stress of what's going on and clear the way to communication.

Your city. county, state may have child advocates. Some do.

Find one, now.

These people, often volunteers go to bat for kids, stay with them through court and other dates and make sure well ... that someone advocates for the kids best interest. Familiar with "the system", they know how to navigate. They can help.

Be calm but insistent. Sure you don't need to yell or scream but if you run into a brick wall and you will in any of this you have a choice: go around them, over them (escalate to a higher level manager) or steamroll right through them.

As the undisputed queen of escalation I am the queen of "get me your manager".

You don't have the option to run away thanks for not taking it.

Good luck, keep us posted.

[Biciclista]

As the undisputed queen of escalation I am the queen of "get me your manager".

.

are you really?? (sorry for the hijack!!)

[Trek420]

Pretty much.

But I try to use that power only for good and not evil. Start out nice, that gives you somewhere to go to. and I rarely get upset. Please ignore the hysterical laughter you hear in the background

If you come on the line screaming and yelling things can only go downhill

And now back to your regularly scheduled Child Protective Services. And this is not to make light of the situation at all. I just find often I can get more done that way. Talk to one person, what do they suggest, what can they do .... keep going, explore every lead.