I wish I could have read this about 25 years ago... Wonderful advice and thoughts.

Well my ex- didn't respect me nor the marriage. didn't show up at appointments with counselors. Even changed counselors because my ex felt that the counselor was siding with me! and wasn't being impartial. did a no show on more than half the time. When my ex did show it was for the last 5 minuts of the appointment. It was awkward just sitting at the marriage counselors office like that. I always ended up apologizing for wasting their time.

I thanked my couselors for at least trying and they wished me well. The divorce was very much acrimonious, long and drawn out. I ended up having to pay alimony to my ex. for just over 3 years.

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Yes it has lot to do with respecting each other, respecting each others needs and desires. It's about working together.

When I was going through my protracted divorce, I met a woman who was going through her crazy divorce. We shared stories and became best of friends. We cried and laughed together and we supported each other in those difficult emotional times. And now she shares my house with me and she is my partner. We are the best of buds. Sometimes we disagree but I really value her for being her. She makes me laugh, she keeps me grounded. I can't make her laugh as much but I'm almost always there for her when she needs a friend.

We've been best of friends for past 17 years and I don't think either of us had to raise our voices at each other. We laugh together at my expense. And we overlook each others fault. I know I have mine and I have a pretty big skelton closet. She has hers too. But we do our best to ignore them. My partner is more of the artist type, very creative and I'm always awed by what she creates. My upbringing was "warm" in some respect in other respect it was harsh. My father has an MD degree with Phd in biochem. And I think he was a Rhode scholar? My mother doesn't say much. I being the eldest was expected to get both. So I tend to be bit more self critical and analytical. This is one of many faults I have. And because of all the faults we each have, we overlook it. Like the saying, "don't throw rocks in a glass house"

Its about give a lot take a little. I'm really happy to have my best friend and we share our lives together. We don't consider ourselves lesbians not that its bad or good. We just don't think we fit that mold. We are best of friends, a family (bit odd perhaps)...

smilingcat