Quote Originally Posted by Biciclista View Post
KSH, please don't take this personally. From what you wrote, you did the right thing ditching that guy. I just want people to understand that a good marriage between two flawed people IS possible.



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I absolutely agree.

the night before MY wedding, I thought; "I am making a big mistake, I shouldn't marry this guy" But I did.
And sometimes it was really tough, but I am glad I went through with it. In the eyes of any sane person who was around me at that time, it was obvious that I had made a mistake. But that's precisely why I am telling you guys about my marriage (see post above) because there's no RULE Not all happy marriages have a 2 year engagement and a church wedding. Not all unhappy marriages started with a drunk groom and a trip to Las Vegas



You can apply this rule even further. You never really know someone (know how they are going to react in a given situation) so what's the difference between waiting 3 months or 3 years?
Like so many other things in life, marriage is a crapshoot.



You're absolutely right here. Once the shine is off, you can see the warts and smell their dirty socks. BUT, with TWO people making a commitment, it's worth it.


Right. Person #2 didn't make a commitment. That just won't work!




Very few people are happy. I have been unhappy with myself but happy with my marriage. today I am happy about both. It's worth working on and fighting for. My life is so richer having been married, a partnership with a person based on love, respect and compromise...




Marriage is also about picking your battles. I can get totally freaked out about coffee cups everywhere or I can save my energy for more important stuff.

You're ABSOLUTELY right. If you don't want to waste energy doing this compromise dance, and ha, raising kids, that's even harder than being married. And you don't get the benefit of happily ever after. Your kids are going to grow up and leave you; so PLEASE don't just get married to have kids.

Great commentary!

BTW- he ditched me. I hung on to the marriage until he said he wanted a divorce. But I certainly didn't fight it when he said he was leaving. I didn't suggest we work on it, I didn't wait around "just in case", I started dating someone 2 weeks later (who I am still with 5 years later).

Let me add this, I now know that I'm not made for marriage. I can be selfish and I want everything my way.

I think my decisions are the wisest most times and if someone doesn't want to go along with a decision of mine that seems to me, to be more intelligent, then I get annoyed and shut down.

Horrible to say, I know, but that is why I can only take people in small doses (aka: not live with them).

Of course it didn't help that I was married to a completely selfish and insecure man who only cared about the world revolving around him. Even though I am selfish, I still think of others and try to do things to make them happy. I did cater to him and take care of him.

With that said, I know never to get married again and I will not be having kids.