Please share: Relationships, Engagement and Marriage

[xeney]

My husband and I met when he was almost 22 and I was almost 25. I was engaged to somebody else and he had previously dated my niece (she introduced us). The attraction was about 95 percent physical and it was a totally doomed relationship: we actually hooked up in a bar.

We moved in together less than a year later to save money even though neither of us saw long-term prospects: doomed! We bought a house we could not quite afford when I was 28 and he was 25: doomed! We finally got married in 2004, when I was 35 and he was 32: doomed! Everyone knows that when those perennial live-together couples finally get married, they always break up within a year! And then we had a baby in 2007. Doomed, doomed, doomed!

It will be 15 years in May. I'd still hook up with him if I happened to bump into him in a bar again.

[Geonz]

I'm 48 and single/

I keep forgetting to be unhappy. I am loved and I love well, and deeply; just not domestically, or something like that. I am, in some ways, freer to share and give because I don't have the responsibilities that come with family.

Whatever you do, don't let the idea that your peers are "in relationships" make you feel like you have to have one. Just like a vegetarian can have a well-balanced diet without meat, a woman can have a well-balanced life without it, too

[ikkin]

Great thread! Here's my relationship history for ya...

I was head over heels "in love" with a depressed guy in college. He was everything I thought I wanted- extremely smart, hilarious, athletic. I chased him relentlessly for a year and a half, finally convinced him to give it a try, rode an emotional roller coaster for two years. He left for the Peace Corps after college and I suddenly and unexpectedly felt liberated. I learned a ton from him and will always care for him, but I sent the Dear John letter two months after he left. He was devastated. I felt awful but knew it was right.

Soon after I met his Polar Opposite. Polar Opposite was fun, happy, hard-working, etc. Polar Opposite also lived in downtown Boston and I was in my early twenties. Had a ton of fun dating Polar Opposite for a couple years but always knew it just wasn't right long-term. We were just too different. But I was too chicken to break up with him.

And then I met the Hubby.

BAM. It sounds so cheesy, but I KNEW RIGHT AWAY. We had (and have) some weird timeless connection- I felt like I knew him in a previous life. The feeling was mutual. He basically stole me away from the Polar Opposite, although my relationship with PO was sketchy at that time anyway.

A year after meeting he proposed in the middle of a 5 day backpacking trip near Lake Tahoe.

5 months into our engagement we had a mutual freak-out, got scared (we are both very independent people, and the looming marriage was pretty intimidating) got some help.

The day of my wedding (which was AWESOME and in a barn in Vermont with a Bluegrass band, BBQ and our closest friends) I had a huge pit in my stomach and felt like bolting when I had to say "I do...".

But I said it anyway. Thank goodness.

We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary and I am amazed at how much I've learned- both about myself and about him- in 12 short months. The coolest part is I'm just starting to realize how infinite that learning curve really is. I never thought I could actually love him MORE, but I do. In a deeper, more committed way. The butterflies are over, mostly, but they've been replaced with the solid comforting consistency and enduring love of an Irish Wolfhound. I look forward to coming home to him every day. He feels the same way.

We are partners, friends, lovers. He makes me laugh. At the world, but most importantly at myself. We are learning to be married together. We forgive quickly and easily and do not expect perfection or mind-reading. It is not always romantic. It is not always fun. But it is AWESOME. And it is right. For us.

Good luck!