Smilingcat, I'm so sorry. There are lots of things I admire about folks who do animal rescue, and the ability to handle situations such as this is one of them. You are being brave and risking a broken heart, but that's the only way to do all the good you've done (and will do).

I once placed a dog in a bad situation (with the blessing of a well-known dog expert - ugh) and I have never shed so many tears as when I got that dog back. He did not die physically, but he was very nearly ruined. I honestly think I have never cried so much, and I'll probably cry again in a minute from thinking about him and thinking about your situation.

You and I both know you can't guarantee a perfect outcome for every animal you place. But if you are like me, you are going to suffer anyway. I hope you find peace, and I hope you have plenty of support IRL. I also hope you can reconnect with the joy of the happy cats you've placed in loving homes.

I'm glad you can get the word out to shelters and the rescue community, and I hope justice can be done.

Pam