Mental Depression preventing me cycling

[pardes]

So Kajero, the ride "we" took together was ummmmm....how shall I say this......well the bottom line is that Pardes completely lost her cool in a gas station.

There I was taking in the crisp beautiful air and enjoying the scarlet, orange, and burnt umber leaves on my way to a leisurely breakfast of steak and eggs and six cups of coffee at the restaurant on the other side of the gas station.

Two cars were just finishing up being filled with gas and the two drivers had just gotten back into their cars. They were both facing the same direction as me as I pedaled up behind them with my iPod playing a meditation tape of rustling leaves and bird songs and harp music.

I was one with the universe.

Well, that is one with the universe until the universe tilted and for some unknown reason both cars decided to BACK UP, both at the same time, and BOTH speeding backwards toward me, and both completely oblivious to my presence despite my flailing arms, flashing headlights, and shouted objections.

Another car had pulled up behind me and there was no escape as both cars continued their lethal path toward me. I held my breath and closed my eyes when the bumper of the car on the right was within an inch of my right handlebar.......and just in the nick of time both cars stopped.

Now, you'd think I'd shout with joy to be spared and thank the universe for sparing me or at the very least show infinite compassion toward the idiotic drivers who were so out of touch with reality that they didn't notice a screeching elderly bike rider behind them.

However, my reaction came from all the way down to my toenails, a compressed four months of bike-riding rage against stupid motorists, and in complete, unfiltered, knee-jerk reaction I proceeded to pound my fist on the bumper of the car (so handily within easy reach) .....and I'm not even ashamed to say that I uttered a stream expletives originally deleted by Nixon himself.

I then pedaled away unrepentant and unashamed.

Sometimes you just have to LET THE ANGER RIP!

[Tuckervill]

This not trying is getting me nowhere except making me feel guilty that I bought an expensive bike that I don’t use anymore.

Hey, there are lot more important things to feel guilty about than THAT! Have you stolen from your elderly grandmother or killed puppies or something? Feel guilty about things that are actually wrong, okay? Don't waste precious energy feeling guilty about something so trivial as a bike not being ridden. Most bikes are parked more than they're ridden, anyway!

Words that helped me, and transformed my way of thinking, uttered by a friend who knows how to pierce right to the center of a thing: Regret is poison.

If you are living with regrets, make sure it is about something you should actually be regretting--then go make it right, if you can. If you can't, learn your lesson and let it go. You cannot change it. You're not alone in that position. We find a way to go on in spite of it. You will, too.

I'm glad you're getting help. You're bike is just on the shelf for a while. It's okay.

Karen