Mental Depression preventing me cycling

[planetluvver]

Kajero,

By definition, if cycling made you feel better, than you wouldn't be depressed. Just try to remember that there is no reason for you not to enjoy cycling again, once your depression remits. Now if you had the flu, or a broken leg, you would not be surprised that you are unable to cycle, let alone enjoy it. But depression can often rob one of even remembering a time when there was anything else, other than the depression.

By all means, continue to pursue the activities that gave you joy, and continue whatever routines you can to keep your life going in the meantime, to whatever extant you are able. But when the depression robs you of joy in the present, remember that your belief in a joyless future is also a symptom of the depression.

Please, get whatever help you can to overcome this depression. Just the fact that you have posted this thread shows that you are still able to muster efforts to control this beast.

[kajero]

Went to the doc on Tuesday and she adjusted the meds. I also made an appointment the pscyh

But this is strange. I am not a religious person whatsoever. I have a lot of friends at the gym I belong to. Even as down as feel, I made it to an aerobics class one day, but I couldn't finish the class. I went to the locker room and just sat there. One of my friends from the class came back and in jest pointed her finger at me because I didn't finish the class and I started crying. She asked what was wrong, I told her and then asked if she could pray for me. So she gave me a big hug and we started praying. It didn't seem to matter that we are different religions, she Catholic and me another. Anyway, things started to turn around since then. But, like I mentioned, I am not a very religious person. So, is this coincidental?

I had conference with my boss and a lot of stuff was aired. I worked very hard on providing documentation (times, places, examples, etc.) that he could not refute -- there were witnesses and people who helped me. Perhaps my friend who prayed form had something to do with, because but until then I couldn't seem to get my thoughts down on paper and dreaded the conference. Ever tying is now down on paper and in my files. I don't feel sorry for my boss that he made all the mistakes he did and if he continues to hold them over my head, human resources has documentation of his false assumptions.

Some of my family issues also seem to have dealt with, not the most effectively, but relatives are looking at situations in a different light.

It’s a beautiful day outside but we have other obligations so I can get on the bike. But for once if I could, I think I am looking forward to it.

[pardes]

Well, there is the saying, "there are no coincidences."

It could be that coincidences are always there just waiting for us to claim them. And, it would seem that if they are continually ignored and go continually unclaimed, maybe they go visit someone else who will be more responsive.

To categorically say that anything is definitely anything complicates everything since then we would always be trying to find the "real" answer to everything and who can pay attention to anything if the gears are always turning in an analytical, prove-it way?

I don't know the mechanisms of the validity or efficacy of prayer or wishes or dreams, I only know that if one relaxes into the moment, the universe reveals itself. Giving thanks in your own personal way and returning the favor in your own personal way is the only response that the universe hopes for.

I'm so glad you had several affirming encounters. I am typing this calmly but my heart is singing with glee for you.

Oh, and by the way, (should anyone want to join me,) I'll be "biking with Kajero in spirit" as soon as I get off the computer and pull on my jacket. You may not be "joining" me this time or the next, but I'll be thinking about you and will save a place for you for next time, or the next....

[shootingstar]

Any chance, kajero of applying for other jobs? Hope you do. You have lots to offer elsewhere.

There have been some incredible coincidences that have occurred which occurred when not totally expected at key times in life. Usually during times when I was facing the unknown.

May you ride in the unknown, but comforted that you are already cared for and loved.

[kajero]

I am going to try to ride tomorrow. This not trying is getting me nowhere except making me feel guilty that I bought an expensive bike that I don’t use anymore. Is there a way when riding your bicycle to forget about one’s problems? Although listening to my MP3 player may work, I refuse to because I don’t think it is safe. Even when I look at the gorgeous fall colors, my mind always returns to that "bad" place. Except for knowing what I need to for safe riding, I wish I could get my mind to go “blank."

I didn’t proofread my last post very well. I meant to say that my friend asked if SHE could pray for me. I figured nothing else was working so why not? She embraced me while she prayed out loud. Having someone like her hug me was very uplifting; she is a beautiful person. Even though we take the class together and use lockers next to each other, we don’t even know each other’s name. I think I need to work on that.

I really love my job; I dislike my manager. My manager has horrible managerial skills. Whether deliberate or not, my manager creates friction among team members rather than comradeship. My manager has the worst communication skills and the best bias skills in the whole world. My manager only sees what my manager wants to see; it’s as if my manager wears blinders. (I apologize for so many “my manager” but I am afraid of what can be extracted from the Internet these days.)

[shootingstar]

I am going to try to ride tomorrow. This not trying is getting me nowhere except making me feel guilty that I bought an expensive bike that I don’t use anymore. Is there a way when riding your bicycle to forget about one’s problems? Although listening to my MP3 player may work, I refuse to because I don’t think it is safe. Even when I look at the gorgeous fall colors, my mind always returns to that "bad" place. Except for knowing what I need to for safe riding, I wish I could get my mind to go “blank."

perhaps one approach ..is that cycling doesn't require any analysis by the rider. Well, some people find cycling a great time for thinking out problems. For myself, cycling is highly sensory...to visually see, smell, hear and move. So that's where I put my brain...more on the right side.

YOu wanna a challenge on cycling haiku after your ride tomorrow?

[Grog]

When I take my heart rate above a certain threshold (80% of my max?) I just can't think anymore. Good or bad things: can't think about them at all. Climbing hills works fine. It takes more willpower to do intervals (or tempo runs).

Big hug - keeping you in my thoughts.

[Dogmama]

I just found this and read through the posts. Kajero, it seemed like Pardes' wolf-dog visited you in the form of the woman who prayed for you. I'm not an overtly religious person - I describe myself as more spiritual. I DO believe in the power of prayer & have seen it work first hand.

If you are prescribed meds, you know they often take weeks to work. Further, there are different kinds that act on different brain receptors. Don't give up. I have black clinical depression & take meds, although I wish I could be "normal." Sometimes I screw with dosages & prove to myself, once again, that I need these to keep my brain chemistry right. I also do therapy and my poor therapist cringes when I tell her I'm thinking about going off meds.

My work situation exacerabated the problem, but since I've retired, the stark reality is that where ever I go, I take my brain with me. I had golden handcuffs - had to stick out the last few years to get to full retirement status. I MADE myself get on the bike & go to the gym. I told my brain that it was like breathing - not negotiable. The biochemical reactions of endorphin raising will happen whether or not I want to be there and I needed all the help I could get. I FORCED myself to concentrate on my surroundings rather than ruminate over the last work-drama. I told myself that it would all be waiting for me after I got off the bike.

Be sure to take good care of yourself. Watch the caffeine & sugar intake, especially at work. And look for the wolf-dogs - they're everywhere.

[pardes]

So Kajero, the ride "we" took together was ummmmm....how shall I say this......well the bottom line is that Pardes completely lost her cool in a gas station.

There I was taking in the crisp beautiful air and enjoying the scarlet, orange, and burnt umber leaves on my way to a leisurely breakfast of steak and eggs and six cups of coffee at the restaurant on the other side of the gas station.

Two cars were just finishing up being filled with gas and the two drivers had just gotten back into their cars. They were both facing the same direction as me as I pedaled up behind them with my iPod playing a meditation tape of rustling leaves and bird songs and harp music.

I was one with the universe.

Well, that is one with the universe until the universe tilted and for some unknown reason both cars decided to BACK UP, both at the same time, and BOTH speeding backwards toward me, and both completely oblivious to my presence despite my flailing arms, flashing headlights, and shouted objections.

Another car had pulled up behind me and there was no escape as both cars continued their lethal path toward me. I held my breath and closed my eyes when the bumper of the car on the right was within an inch of my right handlebar.......and just in the nick of time both cars stopped.

Now, you'd think I'd shout with joy to be spared and thank the universe for sparing me or at the very least show infinite compassion toward the idiotic drivers who were so out of touch with reality that they didn't notice a screeching elderly bike rider behind them.

However, my reaction came from all the way down to my toenails, a compressed four months of bike-riding rage against stupid motorists, and in complete, unfiltered, knee-jerk reaction I proceeded to pound my fist on the bumper of the car (so handily within easy reach) .....and I'm not even ashamed to say that I uttered a stream expletives originally deleted by Nixon himself.

I then pedaled away unrepentant and unashamed.

Sometimes you just have to LET THE ANGER RIP!

[Tuckervill]

This not trying is getting me nowhere except making me feel guilty that I bought an expensive bike that I don’t use anymore.

Hey, there are lot more important things to feel guilty about than THAT! Have you stolen from your elderly grandmother or killed puppies or something? Feel guilty about things that are actually wrong, okay? Don't waste precious energy feeling guilty about something so trivial as a bike not being ridden. Most bikes are parked more than they're ridden, anyway!

Words that helped me, and transformed my way of thinking, uttered by a friend who knows how to pierce right to the center of a thing: Regret is poison.

If you are living with regrets, make sure it is about something you should actually be regretting--then go make it right, if you can. If you can't, learn your lesson and let it go. You cannot change it. You're not alone in that position. We find a way to go on in spite of it. You will, too.

I'm glad you're getting help. You're bike is just on the shelf for a while. It's okay.

Karen