Mental Depression preventing me cycling

[denny]

I'm the last Pollyanna standing. Don't be afraid to lean on supportive family and friends at this time. My sister who works in a psych practice was the one to make the calls when I didn't have the energy or humility to say I needed more help (Cause I'm a strong, smart, sassy woman who didn't need anyone) Stupid huh?

I agree with the previous poster, don't wait to see how long it will take for you to feel better. If you injured a part of your body that threatened your life or limb, the likelihood is you would take steps to ensure your survival.
Your brain is an organ that is threatened by illness right now. Your chances of a successful recovery are improved with early intervention coupled with cognitive therapy. If cycling no longer "lights you on fire" and I'm not referring to muscle burning or the fiery crotch from a bad saddle either then find that thing that helps you to feel alive, hopeful and anticipating of a great change or new beginning.

It's been 13 months and 4 days since my episode and I know I'm still in the process of recovery. One thing that helps a lot (assuming you aren't already doing so) is for you to journal your thoughts and feelings. It's a nice uncensored way to just scream and cry no one has to know that you just thoroughly told them off on paper and they were totally in awe,speechless and humbled by your right-on insight. Can you tell that there are days I can hardly wait to write in my journal?

All kidding aside you've received such warm, wonderful, supportive advice from these ladies that I know that you'll pull through. This Pollyanna hopes you will find 1 thing that makes your heart and soul smile today.

Hugs.

[Irulan]

having been through a serious clinical depression, and being under lifelong treatment for dysthymia, I will third what Tokie said:

It sounds like you are very depressed, and need professional help to get back to your old self. I hope you are able to see a psychiatrist or other licensed mental health care professional to get you through this hard time. I know my primary care MD will prescribe anti-depressants, but when you are this stuck in a bad place, you really need someone specialized to see you through your funk! I've been there myself, and slogged to the gym working out, telling myself - I just need

Real depression can be very debilitating. You can hardly get out of bed and get dressed, much less get it together to force yourself to get outside and go for a walk or a the gym. Professional treatment is best. Serious depression is not some thing that most people can fix by themselves.

I always question the comments about avoiding medication: if you had diabetes, or a cardiac condition, or epilepsy, would you avoid the appropriate treatment? Many times there are chemical imbalances in the brain that need to be adjusted. No amount of "oh, just go for a bike ride" is going to fix that. Granted, anti depressants are at time prescribed inappropriately, but if you work with an MD/psychiatrist and a counselor, that is how you start to move forward.

I've been there - under treatment and still having to force myself to do something. Telling myself, if I can just walk to the park and back I WILL feel better, and not even being able to do that. I had days when the only thing I could do was fold laundry and nothing else.

Maybe it's time to try something non bike related. Or sign up for a hobby or volunteer or go hiking. I'm really not trying to sound all chipper about it but there might be something better for you (right now) than the bike. Sometimes it might mean forcing yourself out of your comfort zone a bit

Ideas like the above are well meaning but show a true lack of understanding of what real depression is.

[OakLeaf]

mmmm - trying not to get prickly, but don't make assumptions - I too carry a diagnosis of double depression. Drugs DO have their place and sometimes they're a necessity - but yes, to address your hypothetical, most people with NIDDM or cardiac conditions shouldn't have medication as their first line of treatment, either; and epileptics also need to do a lot more to manage their condition than just taking their meds.

Kajero reached out here and asked us for help. Obviously none of us can prescribe drugs for her. We're suggesting things that have worked for us, our own diagnosed and experienced selves. I think Pardes said it all pretty eloquently. We know, as Kajero plainly knows herself, that to get healthy, we need to take responsibility for our own health, and that means more than calling a doctor and popping a pill. There's a lot of homework involved in living with any chronic illness, including depression and dysthymia, and we've given suggestions from some of our own homework.

As I said in another thread, I think a psychologist should be the first line of treatment, and let them make a referral to a psychiatrist if it's warranted. Also, cognitive/behavioral therapy may be great for some people, but it's worse than useless for me. Don't let a managed care organization or insurance company bully you into cognitive/behavioral therapy if it isn't working; try something different. I DO understand how tough it is to find a good fit with both a therapist and a style of therapy - when you need them most is when you have the least resources to undertake the very difficult search. Going to the wrong therapist (just like taking the wrong medication) can actually exacerbate depression, but I guarantee the effort to find the right therapist is worth it in the long term.

Hugs again to all who are burdened with mood disorders in their many forms.


ETA: also, exercise and sunshine DO modify your brain chemistry, as potently as drugs do. And talk therapy actually changes the physical structure of your brain.

[Irulan]

thanks for the corrections - maybe I need better analogies.

The whole "I would never take pills for MY depression" thing just pushes my buttons in a major way. Unless you've been there ( clinically depressed) , IMSHO you really aren't qualified to comment.

It's funny, when we are in the middle of a situation that we think is not going to change, if we get the correct kind of help, sometimes just getting emotionally healthier or learning how to change our reactions to things opens up options that we may think did not exist before.

[Smilie]

Nothing to add, as it seems everyone covered a lot of what may help you feel better. Just wanted to send good thoughts your way. I hope you find what works for you. Hugs.

[pardes]

I sat through a staff meeting today to resolve emotional issues between two employees, both clinically depressed, one on meds, the other unable to tolerate the meds side effects and who is toughing things out with behavior modification.

Both were actually dealing fairly well with their lives in their own ways and with their own "prescriptions," it's just that they couldn't work in the same room without wanting to strangle each other.

It's another example that no one system works for everyone. Some swear by drugs; others shrink form them. Both sides have their own good reasons.

What we've tried to do here, and I think we did it very compassionately, was to offer what worked for us. And what didn't.

I believe the point of this thread was an appeal for understanding and a listening ear that was echoed back with heartfelt offers of comfort and the recipe for their version of "chicken soup."

Let's no digress from Kajero, the focus of the thread, into a discussion of what's the right thing to say.

Which reminds me of an incident that happened only hours after I was given the diagnosis of having a brain tumor that required immediate emergency surgery. I had all of a few hours to get my life in order, figure out how to provide for my invalid mother if I died, and find someone to agree to be my power of attorney to pull the plug if I went into a coma that lasted longer than three days.

Astonishingly, I "owned" my brain tumor for only about an hour. After that it was hijacked and became the focus of everyone else as their property. "What will I do if my daughter dies...." "How can I ever pull the plug on my friend?" I was left in the dust while they sought comfort from others about the brain tumor crisis of their life.

I remember walking out the door of the house to get away from it all and just started walking down the street of the development. I kept thinking to myself, "I just wish that someone would be here with me now, really be here, with me and just walk with me."

I walked and walked. And then I thought I heard the jingle of a dog collar behind me. I turned around but nothing was there. I kept walking and then I thought I saw a flash of fur approaching from the left but again I looked and nothing was there. And then I felt a wet nose nuzzle my hand but again nothing was there. And then I started to smile. What I didn't even know was a prayer had been answered in a transcendental way designed specifically for me who loves dogs and wolves better than most humans.

I relaxed into the moment and began to see flashes of light that began to take on the form of a wolf/dog running beside me with that happy kind of expression a dog has when it runs for the joy of running beside someone they love. I can still see the image to this day that was like someone stepping into front of an old-fashioned home movie projector where you can see the transparent image illuminated on their face or body when they block the projection path.

I returned home feeling a great deal better and reported for surgery the next morning. Surgeons are not known for their people skills and I was treated not badly, but quite insensitively on the hospital grand rounds where I was considered a good teaching case. My recovery was fuzzy and I wasn't up to being able to match wits with the rude surgeon and on the verge of tears of humiliation, when I happened to notice a shadow, then two, then three enter the room.

The wolf-dog had brought reinforcements and they proceeded to circle the bed between me and the doctors and audience, a protective wall of fur, and I could relax.

I never saw the wolf-dogs again and many will claim that it was a hallucination caused by the brain tumor.

Perhaps. But who cares? It worked.

And that's my point. We are not trying to practice psychiatry here. We are merely offering what worked for us. Be it drug or dog or wolf.

[Crankin]

Well put, Pardes. One thing that I am learning in my training to become a clinical mental health counselor is that therapy is not one size fits all. I am in a holistically oriented program, with a humanistic focus. But we do learn about ALL of the types of therapy, including cognitive behavioral. Some people need that structure, as well as the insurance issue...
I do agree with Oakleaf in that the first thing is to get yourself to a therapist (I don't mean just Kajero, but anyone in this situation) who can then refer you to a psychiatrist for a meds evaluation, if that is what you want to do. It didn't work for me, but it does for a lot of people.
I didn't mean to be dismissive about depression when I said that getting outside helps. It is just one of the things that has been shown to work when used in conjunction with other things, like therapy, medication, acupuncture, etc.

[Velobambina]

Kajero

Sending lots of good karma your way. Do what's right for you but first and foremost, take care of yourself. You are worth it.

I hope Pardes' wolf-dog finds her way to you and gives you comfort and strength.

Pardes - I don't think you were hallucinating and you can bet that wolf-dog is watching over you.

[kajero]

I don't have a lot to post except I saw the Doc on Tuesday and she adjusted the meds. She also thought getting the SAD light I asked about was good a idea, too. I have been getting some exercise and have been trying to take a walk outside after work.

My bike sits directly in front of the car so when I come home from work; the bike just nags me to get on it and ride. I almost did today, but turned away. I just couldn't find the energy. My poor little bike looks as forlorn and sad as I am. I think it's feeling really rejected lately. And of course, keeping it tied up with a cable lock in the garage and then shutting the garage door has to make it's life even more miserable. I know it wants to be outside on the trails. It's locked up physically and it seems I am locked up emotionally right now.

I am going to try and ride this weekend; it is supposed to really nice. (Well, for Minnesota that is.) I also have to make myself believe riding 10 or 12 miles is okay and it's not necessary to ride a gazillion miles to enjoy my bike.

Thanks for all the support. I'll keep you posted!

[OakLeaf]

I also have to make myself believe riding 10 or 12 miles is okay and it's not necessary to ride a gazillion miles to enjoy my bike.

You know what? Riding 2 or 3 miles is okay!

And - don't know if this is an issue for you or not - but cruising nice and effortlessly without breaking a sweat is okay, too.

In fact, it's fun - riding a bike the way we used to when we were kids, just for the pleasure of the wind on our faces and the feeling of movement. When I lived in town I would sometimes just cruise around the neighborhood "surveying my domain." I think a lot of us don't do that nearly enough anyhow, just finding the simple childlike joy in moving our bodies through space.

Maybe try just going for a ride in street clothes, planning on a really short one. Regular clothes don't get uncomfortable in just a few miles (as long as you cinch your pants leg or just roll it up). Sometimes just getting dressed in cycling clothes can seem like such a production - and then, when you've taken so much time to get ready, it doesn't seem "worth it" to just ride for a couple of miles. Wear your helmet and gloves for safety of course, but try just pretending you're a little kid again, and remember how it felt to ride a bike then.

Glad you saw the doctor, and I hope things start to turn around for you very soon. I do still think you should try and see a counselor. Keeping you in my thoughts and sending lots of hugs.

[tulip]

Yep, just riding around the neighborhood is great fun, and it still counts as a bike ride! I hope your doctor visit was good and that you find relief soon. Sometimes meds work better when you have a good therapist working with you too. We're thinking of you

[Smilie]

If you do just go ride around the neighborhood, pay attention.

I just did the pleasure ride to just get out and ride this summer, and was checking out all of the wonderful yards around me, happened to look up and almost ran smack into a parked car! Now that would have messed me and my bike up.

Hope you just get out and do something that makes your soul sing. Sending good vibes to you.

[mayanorange]

Most everyone has said the same things, but I'd like to add my support that I've been there too. (I don't admit this to many people, so you're much stronger than me right there). I hope the doctor(s) can help and I know sometimes it takes too long for the changes to kick in and it seems like it'll never get better. But as everyone's been saying, you need to hold on to hope and positivity as best you can. And then cry when you need to. My only suggestion was going to be that yoga (Iyengar is my preference) can be helpful if you find the right instructor or DVD. Exercise does help, but I know what you mean about the hardest part is just getting on the bike. The yoga that helped me started out with stretching and being in the moment (listening to your body and not your head), then before you know it, you're turning into a pretzel and actually doing some work! Kinda a good way to sneak up on myself to do exercise. Or, like the others said, just cruise on you bike and enjoy the scenery.

[Crankin]

I'm at the point where cruising on my Jamis is a lot more fun than trying to go fast on my road bike. It definitely recalls the feeling of being a kid. I find going on errand rides sets a purpose and even if some of them are as short as 8 miles, I still feel like I've exercised.

[shootingstar]

I agree wholeheartedly, just cycling around short rides is a great feeling for lousy days.

True, I might feel guilty at the beginning for choosing not to cycle enough that day. But at the end of the little ride, I always feel better. It is better to include short rides with an errand somewhere...I've accomplished 2 things, instead of just 1.

progress begins with baby steps.

And I ever question why feel so good about short rides..come on, I tell myself, a severely physically disabled person often CANNOT ride a bike.

I count my blessings for the ride.