Remembering parent's life

[wackyjacky1]

My sister and I have started a tradition of visiting our dad's grave on Dia de Los Muertos. We share a bottle of red wine and some chocolate -- two of his favorite things!



But not a day goes by that I don't think of him...

[TahoeDirtGirl]

You know, when my mother died, I started putting together a book of recipes she was known for. I never finished it. Maybe it's time...

[Mr. Bloom]

shootingstar, that sounds like a wonderful celebration of life!

[tulip]

Thankfully I have not had to face the death of a parent yet. My grandmother died in April of 2007 at age 87. She was not much of a cook, but was an incredible naturalist. She hiked the Appalachian trail and camped in every state except Hawaii. She even made it to Alaska. Her husband in later life (they were married when my grandmother was in her 50s) refused to fly, so they went everywhere in their VW popup camper.

After she died, I got very interested in birds and bird watching. She knew all the birds, and now I really enjoy birding. I always think of her when I see a bird, which is every single day.

[pardes]

What a wonderful thread this is!

My mother died a few years ago after living with me for a couple of decades due to her failing health. With that much togetherness between mother and daughter, there were wonderful things and not so wonderful things. It took several years after her death before I could look at her memory objectively and really mourn her as well as celebrate her.

I wasn't aware that I had turned the corner until I finally noticed that I was beginning to buy clothes in the same color of pink that she liked. It made me laugh out loud at how much she would have enjoyed the joke of seeing me, for so long unaware of the connection, dressed in her dusty rose color.

In some odd way it was as if we had both forgiven each other for our real or imagined trangressions and finally a life "together" could go on again.

I'm not so New Age WoooWooo about things but it's remarkable how often now that I feel a strong connection to her, a presence of her as I have for years to my father who passed away in 1959.

Our parents or anyone that we've lost never really leave us. The relationship goes on, just in a different manner.

[Tri Girl]

What a neat thread.

My father used to always make up words, for various reasons. He never cursed real words, but would instead say things like: awjubunjasays, or dadnabit. He always called me weird things like: tawny-magawny-mabooty-mawooty. After he passed, almost 10 years ago (yikes-it's been that long ), I noticed that I'd start to say gibberish words in frustration or when I was surprised. In my classroom I'm always making up words. I usually do it to be silly, but I don't think about it- the gibberish just comes out.

I've also become quite the handyman with my home. My dad was a fantastic carpenter (he built our house when I was younger all by himself). I think he'd be proud.

Those things always makes me think of Dad. I miss him terribly still.

[chicago]

What a neat thread.

My father used to always make up words, for various reasons. He never cursed real words, but would instead say things like: awjubunjasays, or dadnabit. He always called me weird things like: tawny-magawny-mabooty-mawooty. After he passed, almost 10 years ago (yikes-it's been that long ), I noticed that I'd start to say gibberish words in frustration or when I was surprised. In my classroom I'm always making up words. I usually do it to be silly, but I don't think about it- the gibberish just comes out.

I've also become quite the handyman with my home. My dad was a fantastic carpenter (he built our house when I was younger all by himself). I think he'd be proud.

Those things always makes me think of Dad. I miss him terribly still.

that made me cry I still miss my Dad too... I think we always will... but that's a good thing... we were lucky and got one of the good ones... and that's worth crying for

[7rider]

My sister and I have started a tradition of visiting our dad's grave on Dia de Los Muertos. We share a bottle of red wine and some chocolate -- two of his favorite things!

But not a day goes by that I don't think of him...

This I could get into! But for my dad - it would be Snickers and a Tanqueray martini!

[newfsmith]

I lost my Dad to Dementia, COPD and Diabetes in 2001. The last months were very hard, because it was clear that Dad no longer recognized his daughter, but disliked me because I put him in the nursing home. Dad and I had always shared one thing, we both grew up on the same farm. His father farmed with his grandfather. Great-grandpa built a new barn when Dad was 7 or 8. Dad, as boys everywhere do, thought he would carve his name into the new barn doors. Grandpa caught him half way through his surname, and gave him a licking for defacing other people's property. All the time I was growing up I walked by that reminder of my Dad's boyhood every day as I did my chores. I heard the story both from my Dad, and Grandpa. Both thought it was funny. When Dad was in the nursing home; I went to the farmer now on our old farm and bought that section of barn board, hoping that it would connect with something in Dad's memory. It was already too late for that. I brought the board home with me after Dad's funeral. It sits in our kitchen, where I can see it everyday as I go about my chores.

[redrhodie]

There are so many nice stories here, it's really inspiring. I will read "War and Peace" for my mother. It was her favorite book.

[polly4711]

How ironic that this came around today. My significant other's grandmother (whom he was very very close with) died today. Her husband wont know that she's gone due to Alzheimers. He and I are in two different cities, and the weekend that he was about to visit is the weekend of her Memorial Service. I wish I could go out there to support him, but as a poor master's student, it's not possible. Shootingstar or anyone who has lost someone close, what are things that your loved one do for you that helped you heal?

Death is such a weird thing for me. My parents are getting there too.... I don't want to become an orphan.

[wildhawk]

Eventhough you can’t be there with him during this difficult time, you will be there for him afterwards. The grieving process takes time and has its ebbs and flows. Sometimes you want to cry, sometimes you feel angry, sometimes lost, but the worst thing is to be ignored. I have lost most of my immediate family over the years and I can tell you that the best thing I received was normalcy from my friends and family - no stepping on eggshells and fumbling for words. Alot of people do not know what to say so they stay away from you during those tough times. I was fortunate to have loving friends who kept me occupied during the tough months afterwards and most importantly, they listened to me and gave me space when I needed it. They allowed me time to grieve, and did not set any time limits on when I should get “on with life”. Some people never really get through the grieving process, but they learn to cope with the loss and move forward. He knows you are there for him - and ready to listen when he needs to talk about the loss.

[shootingstar]

How ironic that this came around today. My significant other's grandmother (whom he was very very close with) died today. Her husband wont know that she's gone due to Alzheimers. He and I are in two different cities, and the weekend that he was about to visit is the weekend of her Memorial Service. I wish I could go out there to support him, but as a poor master's student, it's not possible. Shootingstar or anyone who has lost someone close, what are things that your loved one do for you that helped you heal?

Death is such a weird thing for me. My parents are getting there too.... I don't want to become an orphan.

I'm sorry for the loss of your BF's/hubby's loved one. And so sad about the widower. He will be confused eventually when he finds out. Did you know his grandmother much at all? Maybe you'll find an answer for yourself after reading some of these stories and memories here.

We're just going through this, just reflecting much on her. He of course, has various additional tasks he must undertake as her executor/power of attorney.

HOw old are your parents? Are they in good health?

For myself I dread the day when each of my parents die (father in good health, my mother less so)...so the best thing I can do now, is to work out angst issues with each of them, and appreciate best parts of them now.