SPD's should be fine for cross. You are used to them, which is good, since there is a lot of clipping in and out in cross and they are made to shed mud which is also often found in cross.

The only disadvantage to a triple is the greater possibility of chain drop. You tend to bounce around a lot with cross and that can bounce the chain off. Some people even run a single up front to make it even more simple and less apt to throw their chain. For the most part you wont need really big gears on the cross course - though since you also may use the bike on the road, they'll probably come in handy.

As Alpine said there are plenty of thread discussing reach and road levers, so I won't go into it again in detail here. I'm guessing you've found a bit of each problem with your friends bikes. The levers were probably large and badly positioned for your small hands and you are unused to the feel of them. Of course interrupters - small, flat, accessory levers that are mounted to the flat portion of drop bars (make sure they are really interrupters and not "suicide levers" like the kind that were common on bikes in the 70's and 80's though), are often found on cross bikes and you may feel much more comfortable having them, at least at first.