words that make you grit your teeth

**Aggie_Ama** · 08-11-2008, 04:29 AM

Originally Posted by Kimmyt

I hate, absolutely HATE when someone addresses a woman as Mrs. John Hislastname.

I don't mind getting mail addressed to Mrs. C. XXXX but if you called me it I would reply, "My first name is Amanda".

**Jolt** · 08-11-2008, 04:47 AM

Originally Posted by Aggie_Ama

I changed my last name but to hold onto my maiden name I got rid of my middle name (hated it anyway) and now my maiden name is legally my middle name. I like it and I like being a Mrs.

My husband and I are team and I feel like having the same last name is a way of being a team. Others do not and that is okay with me. I rarely miss my maiden name, probably just a couple times in 5 years since I ditched it. I still am very proud to be a member of my family and proud of their name.

That's a cool idea--using your maiden name as a middle name. Don't some Hispanic cultures actually use the maiden name as a second middle name? That also makes a lot of sense. Your point about having the same last name being a way to express being a team was well said--that's how I feel about it as well. so when I eventually get married I will have no issue with taking his last name but may keep my maiden name as a middle name to keep that part of my identity at the same time. That would also (hopefully) cause less confusion professionally.

**Crankin** · 08-11-2008, 05:43 AM

Jolt, that practice is very common right here in New England. I dropped my middle name when I got married and have always used my maiden name as my middle name. I don't use a hyphen, since it would be a mouthful, but I always sign my name with both last names. It's my legal name.
Both of my sons have my maiden name as their middle name. They hated it when they were little, in AZ, but as soon as we moved here and more than half of their friends had hyphenated last names, they never said another word!
My husband felt strongly about me changing my name when we got married. It's one of the few things we ever disagreed on, and I gave in. Of course, now, he could care less and I did contemplate dropping his name, but I didn't want the bother of doing it legally.
I also hate the "hon," sweetie, etc. I know it's southern, but I find it degrading.

**Aggie_Ama** · 08-11-2008, 06:23 AM

My mom did that same thing when she got married. The main reason was her mother was declared legally blind and thus unable to drive. My mother would often run errands and write checks off her mom's account so it was easier to have the last name as her middle name. Oddly they both have the same first name so it looked like the same person.

Another reason I did it is my Pawpaw died 3 weeks prior to my wedding. My maiden was his last name and I desperately wanted to hold onto a little piece of him. I still want that and I have it on my drivers license. I sign my name Amanda _. ________. It (maiden name) is a horrible German mess of a name to spell so I don't write it out or hyphenate. Plus the hyphenated names confused me when I was younger and put a dislike of them in my brain forever.

**mimitabby** · 08-11-2008, 07:05 AM

I did it too. My Middle name starts with the same letter as my maiden name, so that made it really easy. It's an easy way to show my heritage.

**Zen** · 08-11-2008, 09:18 AM

Maiden name.

"Maiden"?
When I encounter a form that asks for a maiden name I scratch out 'maiden' and replace it with 'birth'

**mimitabby** · 08-11-2008, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by Zen

Maiden name.

"Maiden"?
When I encounter a form that asks for a maiden name I scratch out 'maiden' and replace it with 'birth'

score! sheesh. never thought of that. I guess i'm clueless

**bmccasland** · 08-11-2008, 10:29 AM

Well Zen, I was a fair flaxen haired maiden, once upon a time, in a land far far away!

So when I said "I don't" and signed the paperwork, I took my maiden name back, which for some reason ticked my X off.

But somewhere along the way my stepdad felt slighted. Had a birth name, natural father was killed in the line of duty when I was 3 days old, Mom remarried when I was 2, and I started using his name. Back then it was not common for kids to have different names than their parents. Turned 18 and had to use my "legal" name - Dad never adopted me. Anyway in a 10 year period, I had 3 different last names.

On another note - it is often common among southern ladies to drop their middle name and used their maiden/birth name as their middle name.

**Aggie_Ama** · 08-11-2008, 11:14 AM

Beth- I find it curious that you refer to you dad as your natural father. Only because my dad was adopted and refers to his mother and father as "natural", not "biological". My father's natural mother died when he was three, his natural father when he was 10. My grandparents adopted him at eight. I wonder if there is a generational difference, although I am sure you are younger than my dad (born 1953)? His biological parents had 3 sons, he calls them his natural brothers. He does call the one he has become friends with just his brother sometimes.

My friend's ex was also mad when she had her maiden name restored after the divorce. He is still controlling after the divorce and it just really angers him. I am like, jeez she didn't want you why would she want your name??

**mimitabby** · 08-11-2008, 11:40 AM

natural vs biological

when the parent is not a contributing member; ie deadbeat dads and even sperm donor dads (another pejorative)
we call them biological.

but if you lose your dad through death and have a stepdad, you might call your real dad "natural"

**OakLeaf** · 08-11-2008, 12:42 PM

"natural" is the term that's used in legal proceedings. So if someone's been through a lot of court or administrative proceedings, that's the term she'll have heard all along, and probably the one she'll use herself.

**Dianyla** · 08-12-2008, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by Zen

"Maiden"?
When I encounter a form that asks for a maiden name I scratch out 'maiden' and replace it with 'birth'

The other one that really gets me?

"Ladies". It's not quite as bad as "Laydeezzzzz" but it's getting there. I know some people (mostly men, sometimes women) are just trying to be polite, but I find it degrading. I usually give them a deadpan stare and reply "I'm not a lady."

The best part is that now I've got several coworkers trained. They'll come over to my workspace (which is, curiously, where all of the females in our mostly male department are all clustered together) and say "Hey, Ladies? (And Diane?)"

**ikkin** · 08-13-2008, 06:37 AM

wow, long thread. haven't read the whole thing, so i'm not sure if this has been mentioned before, but i hate the whole "if you will..." thing. especially when used relentlessly in the cube farm.

"i went to the store to get broccolli, if you will..."

if i will what???!! it means nothing. arrggh!!!

**bmccasland** · 08-13-2008, 06:57 AM

How about starting with... "can I ask you a question?" then ask the actual question. What if I say NO to question #1?

If you need my attention, and have a question, how about starting with Excuse Me, where/what/how .....?

I have been known to answer Can I ask you a question?, with No. Then ask why do you use that leading phrase? Just ask the question! (and the voice in my head is phasing it a bit differently and less polite. Bad voice bad bad voice).

**bmccasland** · 08-13-2008, 07:06 AM

I suppose I grew up hearing my biological father referred to as my "natural" father. As Mom remarried when I was a toddler, my "real" Dad to me is legally my Step-Dad - as he's the one who was tangible.

The "biological" reference is a more recent bit of nomenclature, and I agree, it's usually in the context as a sperm-bank doner or a dead-beat dad. Genetics is the only relationship.

To me, my "father" was the man who died in 1959. My "Dad" is the one who taught me to ride a bike.

Can I ask you a question....?

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