How do you get past your demons?

[bike4ever]

singletrackmind - Castlewood, water bars on Grotpeter down hill before the nasty tree root. She cleared the first water bar and toasted the second. She actually landed at the third.

[NbyNW]

Demons are funny animals . . . you saw something terrible happen to your friend, and clearly empathized with her pain, so that causes you to be cautious when returning to the scene of her mishap.

It's a fine line between facing them sooner rather than later and giving yourself time to emotionally process what you saw and REASON with yourself that while your friend got hurt at this spot, you can be alert and negotiate the trail safely. You may have to go over that spot with different speeds, different lines, etc., in order for it to feel like it's no different from any other trail you ride. You may always associate it with your friend's accident. Maybe that red light that goes off in your head when your on that section of trail is preventing you from also getting hurt.

Give yourself time if you need it, then face the demons when you're good and ready. To the extent that you have control over your exposure to things that trigger those fears and anxiety, take on what you feel you can handle and leave the rest for when you are ready.

My PTSD symptoms started 5-6 months after my accident. (Months 1-5 I was just happy to be alive and able to wiggle my toes) I got some therapy, then the anxiety and fear came back about 8 months later when I took a new job and had to walk past several construction sites to get to my office. Apparently my triggers are construction sites and sculpture parks. The second time I had symptoms I was better equipped to deal with them.

I may never revisit the scene of my accident. It was in Guatemala, so I'd have to go out of my way. and I don't see a reason to.

Some demons may never completely go away. Chalk it up to some keenly developed self-preservation instincts. Trust your Spidey-sense.

[boy in a kilt]

This would be scary as hell, but try riding it with her again. Maybe a different line, in the other direction or just slower. If she's having issues with it too, her cleaning the section will help both of you.

I don't have many memories of my accident either. Just a few flashes and that's plenty. I do pass the scene fairly regularly but it doesn't bother me. But, if I'm ever at that intersection again on a rainy march evening (say around 6:34 p.m.) listen to the song "Sentimental Lady" by Bob Welch, the situation may change. Right now, my only serious trigger is the smell of barbecuing chicken.

[singletrackmind]

singletrackmind - Castlewood, water bars on Grotpeter down hill before the nasty tree root. She cleared the first water bar and toasted the second. She actually landed at the third.

Oooh, one of my favorite spots ever! The loose rocks! The drop-offs! The hairy bend at the end with the tree!
Totally understandable why you'd get some heebies after seeing a crash there as it's one of those spots you hit at speed to nail it yet are never totally in control. It's worth it to get your mojo back for that, ok, it's essential to regain your mojo for that stretch. A few good unthinking runs of it will get you back on track, if you can get your noggin to knock off the thinking part.

That nasty root is one of my demons. I ride it, but I don't like it. A little speed (why can't it be a straightaway) and thinking of something else helps. That and a little bit of adrenaline from that downhill.

Don't miss out. You've ridden it without trouble before, you can do it again.
If it takes baby steps so what? Ride one, get some confidence, ride two, get those down and fly, baby!

For what it's worth concerning your friend (not much) I've had one of those blank spot accidents. Ten years later and I still don't remember a thing. Woke up after 5 minutes (I'm told) with a broken collarbone and nasty concussion but other than a mild balance problem for a few years after my biking psyche was unaffected. Like you, I've been more influenced by the crashes I remember and sometimes it takes a bit but so far minus those darned steps the bit has come back along and once the trouble maker was cleared successfully a time or few I'm gotten back on track.
Kudos to you for riding it in the first place, it's a tough spot. A very sweet tasty but still, tough spot.

(ramble ramble ramble)