How is your basic mountain biking skill set - do you even have one?

Do you have an understanding of basic body position, neutral/attack, body bike separation? Do you understand how to get out of the saddle and be a dynamic rider? Are you fearful, tentative, tense, death grip on the bars? Also, how is your fitness level?

what you are describing sounds like to me like a fearful, tense rider without a basic skill set, trying to keep up with helpful but clueless bf. All the "you need to pull up on the bars and bunny hop this log" in the world won't help if you don't have dynamic riding skills, or understand that it's not about pulling up on the bars at all.

Group rides.. there's not a slow or newbie or girls group? There should be. Sometimes getting away from the relationship dynamic can be a really good thing.

I sucked for years until I went to a women's mountain bike skills camp that essentially changed my life. Where are you located, that might be an option for you too!