Are you stupid? (parenting teens)

[Irulan]

( this is all just my opinion, been through two teen boys, that's my qualification)

First of all, I never allowed name calling or put downs to us or to siblings, we really put the hammer down on it. It's really nasty. We really did try to teach "I" statements with reflective listening- you can say what you feel, but no name calling or put downs allowed.

Boy, I hear you are really angry at me. You can tell me how angry you are, but name calling will result in... ( blah blah blah, you name the consequence and FOLLOW THROUGH if they do it)

It's OK not not want to play with your little brother, but it is unacceptable to call him "Stupid" or any other name. If you do... blah blah blah...

worked for us, hope it works for you. Follow through with an appropriate consequence is the key

I am really floored to hear that some of you find this acceptable. Wow. Just because they can be really obnoxious doesn't mean you have to accept it.

I would so bring the hammer down on sibling name calling. Grounding, taking away privileges, whatever you need to do to get the point across that certain behaviors are unacceptable, period.

recommended reading: Siblings without Rivalry. Lots of good stuff in there.

Parenting Teens With Love and Logic, Klein and Faye More really good stuff, and lots of examples of how to use it.