Hi Dogmama,
My DGF has just started with hot flashes. She also has lupus. Her hot flashes were so intense that she could not sleep. For her, so far, cutting back on the caffeine has helped significantly. She is a big time caffeine person, so she has her 2 cups of coffee a day and perhaps a caffeinated soda during the day, but none at night. Its helped her a lot. She still has a couple at night and is a woman on fire during the day (caffeine probably).

We just goggled hot flashes and came up with some information on About.com. We do have the black cohosh that some one else mentioned. The laying off of the caffeine has worked so well, that DGF hasn't tried it.

Keep us informed on what you find out that will help. I can see that my DGF may get to the point that you are at. She too does not react as expected to hormones. Her lupus is attacking her endocrine system and that is nothing but hormones.

I wish you luck,
Mary