A bit OT - Climbing after a fall.

[bikerchick68]

Lefty- so, so proud of you! way to go on turning your life around!!!

GROG, I've been there too... I was married and my now-exhusband walked out last year, divorce finalized last December... any and all physical activity saved me... I cycled, I walked, I went to the gym... anything to burn off that nervous energy... my friends were there for me but not one of them has ever gone thru a divorce so they couldn't always understand what I was feeling...

as to dating... yeah, it can intimidate some guys... they find out I ride a bike and say things like, "Oh, we should go for a ride sometime, I have a bike!" and then ask how far I ride etc... I don't hide who I am but sometimes now I just answer that we'll ride however far they want to go and leave it at that so far I haven't dated any one man long enough for it to be a problem...

I agree tho, to give yourself time to heal first, before you date again... work your way thru the grieving process and be gentle with yourself... know that you can go back and forth thru the stages of grieving, including anger, denial, bargaining, depression etc... allow it to happen in a healthy way and when the anger part hits keep an eye on your avg mph! WOOT! I suddenly got REAL fast!! LOL... take care and keep us posted on ho you're doing OK? hugs...

[Tar-Cat]

So sorry to hear about your "situation". I ended a 5-year relationship back in the fall, and for days I had trouble sleeping and found it hard to talk without crying - hard, when you have to teach 2 classes a day. A couple days after, I went for a swim. It was exactly what I needed. I ended up swimming thousands upon thousands of yards a day, 5 days a week. I would go on autopilot mid-swim, just going along, thinking about everything from my thesis, to my classes, to everything else going on in my life - so absorbed in that, in fact, that I jammed my hand directly into the wall too many times.

It's amazing what exercise and a good support system can do to get you through the really rough times. Hang in there, keep riding, and keep leaning on your friends - it's why they are there!

[nuthatch]

so absorbed in that, in fact, that I jammed my hand directly into the wall too many times.

Oh dear! Grog, hope you don't experience the cycling equivalent of those swimming injuries!

Thanks for starting this thread - I know everyone on this forum has experienced this kind of loss (and when our British friends call it "gutting" it's absolutely the perfect way to describe it). It still hurts a bit, even many, many years later.

This thread made me start thinking about the attraction/competition type of response that SOs have to our athleticism. Does anyone else have stories about what happened when their cycling performance exceeded their partner's? My take is that it's cool and scary at the same time for them and they don't quite know how to respond.

[MomOnBike]

Nuthatch sez:

This thread made me start thinking about the attraction/competition type of response that SOs have to our athleticism. Does anyone else have stories about what happened when their cycling performance exceeded their partner's?

My cycling really picked up when DH got me a really cool 10-speed Raleigh for for our 1st anniversary. Suddenly I could leave him in the dust. Just as suddenly, he needed a new bike, and then we were more or less even again. (He still commutes on that bike, and Walter and I get out sometimes, too.)

Now, on down hills, William and I can leave him like he's standing still - but that's OK, 'cause he gets us on the uphills. (Just wait 'til I lose another 30 lbs...)

For all that, I don't think he carries his ego on his bike.

Now, if I suddenly became a better musician than he is, we'd have real problems. Probably not an issue, he practices way more than I do.

[Tar-Cat]

I am in much better shape than my current BF. The first few times we rode together I thought it would be fine - I neglected the fact that those were my first few times on my road bike, and I was being ultra-careful with those skinny tires! Now if I go slow enough to ride with him I feel like I'm not getting a workout at all. I know I could just ride on my own instead those days, or stay behind him so I don't leave him in the dust...but I always wonder if he's actually working hard or just toiling around out there, and half the time I want to get in front and push him to go harder. For now, we ride seperately.