Back on my bike and it felt awesome!

[milkbone]

Makbike is right, I've had a great circle of friends and they have made it a point to call and set up plans with me, heck one guy just emailed me if I wanted to go out and grab a beer sometime - (I'm just wondering if this is guy-speak for a mini-date or something or just hey, I just want to hang out) ???

Most of my friends I work with, pretty tight knit group, and they have helped alot - I don't have many other friends/aquantices? that ride so mostly that is just for me...there is a club here that I do plan on getting more active in though..


redrhodie - makbike has great advice, invite her, call her, can you rent a bike for her? dinner or lunch or an evening phone call can really lift the spirits.

Makbike - I totally relate! The tears, the "what did I do wrong?", "how could he?" The bad days are mostly gone, it's a mix of good and bad at this point, but I'm trying to keep myself positive, being at work has really helped me, I love my job, and I interact with so many people at work, it's just helped a lot too.

And part of the best news is my new mattress set comes tomorrow!!! Finally, I can say goodbye to the couch and my dogs thinking that I make a good mattress. LOL....

[redrhodie]

I took her to dinner Sat night, and I've been spending a lot of time with her. I'd like it if she'd move on (to a new and improved bf!), but of course, she's not ready for that. And, yeah, there's the issue of her not being able to trust anyone ever again (her words).

I hate that this is hurting her self esteem. She's really beautiful, successful, has everything going for her, but still, she fell for this jerk. It baffles my mind. I'm sure you're all way too good for these guys who are hurting you. Take it from me, you can do better!

I'll suggest a bike ride. She does a lot of yoga, and goes to a gym, but she needs some speed!

[stacie13]

LOL Kerry, I'm on a couch right now too!! Have been for wayyyy too long, I'm anxiously awaiting a mattress!!

For me, I've been through this with the same guy over and over (for the last 4 years) and right now I'm beating myself up for getting back together with him AGAIN. I can't believe it, I KNOW what he's like. I guess maybe I'm finally understanding the way he is, it affects our relationship to the point where it just can't go anywhere. He is the greatest most fun guy ever when things are good and totally fine between us. But the second we have any stress in the relationship (my god, who doesn't!?!?) he totally cannot cope. He will NEVER express feelings, has no communication skills whatsoever, and it gets totally frustrating. We discussed this before getting back together and his response was that he knew he had to work on that.

So a month or so ago, we had a bit of a fight one night. It wasn't all that bad, god knows I've had worse fights with men! He was annoyed because he said I was in a bad mood, I was kind of, but not that bad. We argued about it and he ended up spouting alllll these things that had been so "horrible" meanwhile I had no idea he had all of this pent up anger. I went to work the next day, thinking ok, we'll try to work it out, and thinking of how we could cope with the things that he had a problem with. I get home, and to my complete surprise, most of his stuff was gone. And so was he. Wow. With no word to me about what he was planning. Quite cowardly if you ask me. So, I guess we're not working things out...

And I say I was surprised, and on the surface level I was, but deep down I knew he was capable of it and had even briefly thought that he might take off. Because in his little world, it's just easier totally not dealing with things. Running away is easy.

I know I'm better off without him as we will never be able to move forward in a relationship if things continue to go that way... bummer, and it hurts, but I'll get over it. Again. I hope I learn this time!!!!

Bike Therapy - I like it!!

[Tuckervill]

Think more of yourself than to be sad over something that wasn't good for you to begin with.

Can you imagine if an alcoholic got sober and then pined for the good times they had while they were drunk? That usually means they're willing to go back there. Don't go back.

Karen

[milkbone]

Think more of yourself than to be sad over something that wasn't good for you to begin with.

Karen

Tuckervill is right. I think maybe the biggest thing is that we remember the good times, Stacie, and not how they treat us in the end, how selfish they can be, it's a new start, a new lease on life. LOL I have been trying to look at it this way - it's less laundry, less cleaning, less groceries, and I can plan my time for myself, my boys, and work and not worry about anything else.

Yes, we are trying to work it out, however I am very skeptical, and if he has done it once, he'll do it again is sticking in my brain.

Otherwise, my cannondale waits for me everyday - just calling my name - ride, ride, ride.... what therapy that is!!!

[redrhodie]

Glad to see you girls are going strong! Stay tough!

My sad news is my friend took her stupid BF back, and is trying to "work things out." Ugh. I don't want my friend to go through the pain of a breakup, so I guess that's good, but having this guy in her life hurting her long term is upsetting. Her ego is shot. I wish I had a magic wand and could make her see how cool she is, too cool for this loser.

I'll be there for her through it, still trying to get her on a bike.

Ride on, ladies. Bike power!

[makbike]

Kerry,

You have a great handle on your life - don't loose grasp of it!

Here is a question for the gang - I'll admit I'm still battling with bouts of anger toward my former partner - how does one get past this? I'm open to all suggestions. I've ditch the idea of sucker punching him, just not worth the hassles it would bring nor the fact that it would cost me my job!

I'm okay without him in my life - in fact I know my life is 1000% better without him and the mental games. I know everything happens for a reason and there are a 1000 reasons to keep me from ever going back to him. I know there is someone good out there for me - I've just not met this person and if I never meet this person I'll be okay. So how do I process the anger?