Back on my bike and it felt awesome!

[milkbone]

Milkbone, I was wondering just yesterday how you were doing. I was thinking..someone else went through this not too long ago, but I can't remember who, and then here she is! Makbike!

So, Milkbone, how are things? Any conversations? I think if you ride ride ride, you will continue to get better and better. Keep us posted.

Makbike: Glad to hear that you are getting through it! I remember how tough it was on you. I'm glad Milkbone and you are here for each other.

Maybe I'm stupid for thinking things will work out in the long run, but for now he is moved out, (moved all of one street over), I still want to try to repair things because I know how good we can be together, he says he loves me and misses me, but needs some time and space. I'm giving that to him.

But one thing seems to be missing from our conversations, he just doesn't seem to realize that not only is his unhappiness/boredom need "fixing" now he added a bunch more to the already complex equation with the way he handled things, walking out with the explanation "I'm bored", and just a total disregard for anyone's feelings but his own. I find it hard to trust what he says now, and my guard is really up now and it has never been that way before with him. I feel like I am seeing one of the best relationships just roll away like a tumbleweed....as much as I want to save it, I'm just not sure its in reach.

Ok, enough sappy talk.... just got done with a 14hr shift and I'm exhausted, but looking forward to my "date" with my bike tomorrow.

Thank you so much TE gals, it feels great to get on here and know I'm not the only one.... thats been through this AND turned to cycling as the ultimate outlet.

[hirakukibou]

Hi Kerry,
I relate on many levels. My partner keeps threatening to leave and in unwilling to really talk about the situation. The relationship teetter-totters back and forth. I watch it and am not sure what is going to happen.

Also, I am a big advocate of biking therapy. I have been fighting major clinical depression for many years, and have found that cycling helps my mood a lot. There are some days I get on the bike and when I stop I cry, so I just ride until I am tired. Luckily those are not too many.

Wishing you the best -- with BF and with the bike.

[redrhodie]

My best friend is in the process of breaking up with her bf. Well, it's kind of been happening for 5 years now, but yesterday he was coming over to get the last of his stuff out of her house.

Anyway, I'd love to get her on a bike for exactly the reasons you all are expressing. The bike she has is way too big for her, so she thinks she hates riding. Is this a bad time for me to try to convince her to buy a bike that fits? I think starting a new activity would be good for her, but what if she really does hate it?

I'm so glad you all are doing well! Good for you for exercising at such a hard time. You will get through this. You are all so strong!

[makbike]

Redrhodie, I know my friends made it a point to invite me to ride. Other friends made it a point just to check on me (phone calls, emails, lunch, etc). Even though I felt my world was falling apart last summer there was a big part of me that knew I was going to be okay. I had come through my surgery, had healed quickly, had a great circle of friends, a very supportive family and a wonderful counselor. The initial days following his departure were the worse - lots of tears, lots of "what did I do wrong?", lots of "how could he?", lots of "what next?" I had really good days, had really bad days and lots of days that were a mix of good and bad. However, with time and lots of love and support things have gotten better. Be there for your friend, invite her to ride (can you borrow a bike?), invite her to lunch, just simply call to say "Hi." If she wants to talk she will if not she will pull the conversation to a close. Right now she simply needs to know someone cares and she needs to stay busy - down, alone time is the her worse enemy.

[milkbone]

Makbike is right, I've had a great circle of friends and they have made it a point to call and set up plans with me, heck one guy just emailed me if I wanted to go out and grab a beer sometime - (I'm just wondering if this is guy-speak for a mini-date or something or just hey, I just want to hang out) ???

Most of my friends I work with, pretty tight knit group, and they have helped alot - I don't have many other friends/aquantices? that ride so mostly that is just for me...there is a club here that I do plan on getting more active in though..


redrhodie - makbike has great advice, invite her, call her, can you rent a bike for her? dinner or lunch or an evening phone call can really lift the spirits.

Makbike - I totally relate! The tears, the "what did I do wrong?", "how could he?" The bad days are mostly gone, it's a mix of good and bad at this point, but I'm trying to keep myself positive, being at work has really helped me, I love my job, and I interact with so many people at work, it's just helped a lot too.

And part of the best news is my new mattress set comes tomorrow!!! Finally, I can say goodbye to the couch and my dogs thinking that I make a good mattress. LOL....

[redrhodie]

I took her to dinner Sat night, and I've been spending a lot of time with her. I'd like it if she'd move on (to a new and improved bf!), but of course, she's not ready for that. And, yeah, there's the issue of her not being able to trust anyone ever again (her words).

I hate that this is hurting her self esteem. She's really beautiful, successful, has everything going for her, but still, she fell for this jerk. It baffles my mind. I'm sure you're all way too good for these guys who are hurting you. Take it from me, you can do better!

I'll suggest a bike ride. She does a lot of yoga, and goes to a gym, but she needs some speed!

[stacie13]

LOL Kerry, I'm on a couch right now too!! Have been for wayyyy too long, I'm anxiously awaiting a mattress!!

For me, I've been through this with the same guy over and over (for the last 4 years) and right now I'm beating myself up for getting back together with him AGAIN. I can't believe it, I KNOW what he's like. I guess maybe I'm finally understanding the way he is, it affects our relationship to the point where it just can't go anywhere. He is the greatest most fun guy ever when things are good and totally fine between us. But the second we have any stress in the relationship (my god, who doesn't!?!?) he totally cannot cope. He will NEVER express feelings, has no communication skills whatsoever, and it gets totally frustrating. We discussed this before getting back together and his response was that he knew he had to work on that.

So a month or so ago, we had a bit of a fight one night. It wasn't all that bad, god knows I've had worse fights with men! He was annoyed because he said I was in a bad mood, I was kind of, but not that bad. We argued about it and he ended up spouting alllll these things that had been so "horrible" meanwhile I had no idea he had all of this pent up anger. I went to work the next day, thinking ok, we'll try to work it out, and thinking of how we could cope with the things that he had a problem with. I get home, and to my complete surprise, most of his stuff was gone. And so was he. Wow. With no word to me about what he was planning. Quite cowardly if you ask me. So, I guess we're not working things out...

And I say I was surprised, and on the surface level I was, but deep down I knew he was capable of it and had even briefly thought that he might take off. Because in his little world, it's just easier totally not dealing with things. Running away is easy.

I know I'm better off without him as we will never be able to move forward in a relationship if things continue to go that way... bummer, and it hurts, but I'll get over it. Again. I hope I learn this time!!!!

Bike Therapy - I like it!!