Why am I still in academia?

[r900]

Oh, what's wrong with North Dakota? It's not as bad as you may think.:-) We have a dandy bike tour called Candisc that is a weeklong ,450 mile tour of the west/central part of the state. Why be so close-minded? Would it hurt to check it out for a couple of days?

[Melalvai]

Oh, what's wrong with North Dakota? It's not as bad as you may think.:-) We have a dandy bike tour called Candisc that is a weeklong ,450 mile tour of the west/central part of the state. Why be so close-minded? Would it hurt to check it out for a couple of days?

Nothing is wrong with ND, and in fact Grand Forks is the type of place I want to live in. (Midwest college town. No big cities or coastal cities for us.) What is wrong is uprooting my family for yet another postdoc position. I won't do it no matter where the postdoc position is or even how much it pays.

[Pax]

I was telling my friend about your predicament and he was royally pissed for you...he said he's seen that sort of thing happen more than one and feels your pain. Since he decided to bail on academia a couple of months ago he's gotten offers from two big pharm companies...he said he can't figure out why he waited so long to get the hell out of academia!

[Melalvai]

I kind of hate to keep bumping this thread up and whining about my pathetic situation but...well, if you get tired of it you can do what I do and ignore that thread. I want this space to vent and bemoan my fate, or get encouragement, or some such nonsense.

Yesterday I thought I was choosing between two jobs. I'd found someone who said he could pay the 20% of my salary that is not covered by my fellowship, and who was willing to take me into his lab. Or, I could go to North Dakota with my boss.

This morning I had a meeting with Prospective Mentor who said "Oops, I was wrong, I don't have the money to cover you. Sorry. If I get this grant at the end of May I can do it. Talk to other people, see if you can find someone else."

Freaking out, even though I knew it was hopeless, I talked to the folks he suggested. They confirmed what I knew: no one has that kind of grant money at loose ends.

Then this evening I learned that my Current Boss actually offered the North Dakota job to someone else. I put aside my anger for how he has treated me over the past two weeks, and whatever induced him to offer my job to someone else, and showed up in his office and said "You are still my mentor, and I just found out this morning that the other guy doesn't have money, and now I just found out you offered my job to someone else. What am I supposed to do now???"

His answer: maybe something will work out. It's not entirely hopeless--I can always take a substantial pay cut so that the fellowship will cover my entire salary. Sure, I'll be making less than some graduate students. My salary will be lower than it ever has been in my graduate career. But I'll have a paycheck. Of sorts.

I said "Maybe I should look for a teaching job" and he said "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

I don't care about the career, or research, any more. I'd love a teaching job. For one thing, it would bring a paycheck. I suppose if it comes to it, I'll take the pay cut and keep the fellowship, for a little while. In the meantime I'll be chasing those "mere" teaching jobs with all my might.

[kat_h]

Don't feel bad about venting here. I've been following this thread and want to keep hearing the updates. I'd really like it better if there was good news, but I'm sure you would too.

Do you read PHDcomics.com? Sometimes it's nice to know you're not alone. http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/arch...p?comicid=1012

I really hope this works out for you soon. I'm a solid believer in the idea that when everything seems to go wrong it means there's another opportunity waiting to be found. Hopefully that opportunity shows up soon for you.

[Geonz]

I kind of hate to keep bumping this thread up and whining about my pathetic situation but...well, if you get tired of it you can do what I do and ignore that thread. I want this space to vent and bemoan my fate, or get encouragement, or some such nonsense.

Yesterday I thought I was choosing between two jobs. I'd found someone who said he could pay the 20% of my salary that is not covered by my fellowship, and who was willing to take me into his lab. Or, I could go to North Dakota with my boss.

This morning I had a meeting with Prospective Mentor who said "Oops, I was wrong, I don't have the money to cover you. Sorry. If I get this grant at the end of May I can do it. Talk to other people, see if you can find someone else."

Freaking out, even though I knew it was hopeless, I talked to the folks he suggested. They confirmed what I knew: no one has that kind of grant money at loose ends.

Then this evening I learned that my Current Boss actually offered the North Dakota job to someone else. I put aside my anger for how he has treated me over the past two weeks, and whatever induced him to offer my job to someone else, and showed up in his office and said "You are still my mentor, and I just found out this morning that the other guy doesn't have money, and now I just found out you offered my job to someone else. What am I supposed to do now???"

His answer: maybe something will work out. It's not entirely hopeless--I can always take a substantial pay cut so that the fellowship will cover my entire salary. Sure, I'll be making less than some graduate students. My salary will be lower than it ever has been in my graduate career. But I'll have a paycheck. Of sorts.

I said "Maybe I should look for a teaching job" and he said "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

I don't care about the career, or research, any more. I'd love a teaching job. For one thing, it would bring a paycheck. I suppose if it comes to it, I'll take the pay cut and keep the fellowship, for a little while. In the meantime I'll be chasing those "mere" teaching jobs with all my might.

this is your future. And this stuff SUCKS. Gag. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that." What a bunch of blivit-faces. It's rotten when the worst plays out... but ... at least now you know what a bunch of people with very different values than yours they are.

I'll have my house back Thrusday it seems - come on by :-)

[Beane]

Don't feel bad about venting here. I've been following this thread and want to keep hearing the updates. I'd really like it better if there was good news, but I'm sure you would too.

Do you read PHDcomics.com? Sometimes it's nice to know you're not alone. http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/arch...p?comicid=1012

I really hope this works out for you soon. I'm a solid believer in the idea that when everything seems to go wrong it means there's another opportunity waiting to be found. Hopefully that opportunity shows up soon for you.

I agree with Kat, PHD comics are great for distraction and entertainment :-)

Hang in there, whatever happens, you'll make the best of it, use it for what it's worth, and move on.

[Melalvai]

Thank you everyone, you are bringing tears to my eyes. Of course right now it seems I cry at the drop of a hat so I don't know what that is worth.

Boy, reading about FatCyclist's wife really got me going. I felt so sad that I'm being driven out of breast cancer research. It's such a shame that I can't focus on figuring out how to prevent breast cancer because I have to focus on finding a job.

I really wanted to apply for a Livestrong grant a couple months ago. But Livestrong funds cancer treatment research, not cancer prevention.

[mimitabby]

I really wanted to apply for a Livestrong grant a couple months ago. But Livestrong funds cancer treatment research, not cancer prevention.

You ought to write to Lance about that, and i'm not kidding!

[Tuckervill]

I'm in the "something better is just around the corner" camp. Keep plugging away You're a resourceful person and you will make it work. I'm sending vibes to that effect!

Karen

[PrincessAna]

I said "Maybe I should look for a teaching job" and he said "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

I don't care about the career, or research, any more. I'd love a teaching job. For one thing, it would bring a paycheck. I suppose if it comes to it, I'll take the pay cut and keep the fellowship, for a little while. In the meantime I'll be chasing those "mere" teaching jobs with all my might.

I went to graduate school with the intention of becoming a teacher, not a researcher. And I was put down for that goal time and time again in my department. I did what I wanted to anyways, and I'm totally happy with my decision. I love teaching. I work at a small liberal arts university. Teach 12 hours a semester (the load's a little tough at times), and do some research here and there to keep my self fresh, and bring new light to my courses.

If you want to be a researcher, then by all means work towards that goal. If you think you'd enjoy teaching for a while, then don't let anyone's comments stop you. One thing to remember: it's not a life sentence. You can always teach for a while and get back into research later. Or try to find a happy medium, a job at a more research oriented institution where you teach 3-6 hours a semester and spend the rest of your time doing research.

Either way, I hope you find something that works for you!
Anastasia

[Melalvai]

Ok, I finally have a happier update to report.
After finding out Tuesday that the funding to stay here would fall short, a lot of people started telling me "Go to North Dakota". That same day though, I learned the North Dakota job had been offered to someone else. (That was the last update.)

I had a long talk with my old PhD advisor yesterday. We talked about the possibility of taking a huge pay cut ($750/mth) which would allow me to stay here and how my family wouldn't have to move to a little crappy house in the bad school attendance area, we could take out more student loans. (The kind that accrue high interest the whole time you're in school.)

He pointed out that taking the pay cut doesn't mean I'll keep the pay cut. There are a lot of grants pending for a lot of people, and a number of other ways to make up the lost income.

Most important, he said I absolutely made the right decision to stay here until my husband finishes his degree. He's happy and successful in the college he is at, he had such a rough time at his first college attempt that it is even more important to keep this attempt a success.

I also called the Komen foundation that my postdoc fellowship is from, and they said I can take a pay cut if I want to, they don't care.

I guess not a lot has changed, but I feel like we've come to a final decision that I can live happily with. There are still a lot of things that can go wrong, but my stomach has stopped churning and I slept through 3:00 a.m. last night.

[Dogmama]

I just retired from academia after 30 years. I cannot fathom a more cutthroat business. The politics are unreal.

The worst part is - nobody wants to teach, nor are they rewarded for good teaching. To get tenure, it's about research dollars. I had a post doc who had to get GRANTS TO TEACH!! He got sideways with a couple of professors and was being blackballed. Didn't matter that his students LOVED HIM, he taught an amazing class load (including internet classes) and he loved teaching. No research = no tenure. We hired adjuncts to teach most undergrad classes. What a waste of money. Tenured professors teach an undergrad class? Surely you jest!!!

And we thought Universities were for educating our young adults????

Sorry, I just feel very strongly about this. When I hear about budget cuts and the University's whining, I just cannot get on board. If they made their faculty WORK for a living, quit hiring adjuncts, maybe the bottom line would be better. Instead, the staff continue to get cut & the best ones leave. I only stayed because I had golden handcuffs - just a few years to full retirement.

Most public University budgets run on grants, not state funds. When you're owned by an outside entity, you'll dance to their tune.

[Pax]

Fascinating article.

[Melalvai]

The world of granting is strange, mysterious, and confusing. I believe it involves magic.

My postdoc fellowship requires that me and my sponsor/mentor are at the same institution. Since my mentor is leaving MU and I am staying, we need to file Change of Mentor paperwork. This includes a letter from my old mentor relinquishing the project/fellowship.

My old boss verbally told me he would write such a letter after I completed certain tasks I'd agreed to. Everyone I've talked to thinks this was not a nice thing to do. I submitted the requested data, analysis and manuscript (3 separate projects) to him on Friday. He would not sign the letter on Friday, the implication being he had to assess if I'd done a good enough job. I asked if he could let me know by next Friday. He could not. I asked when he could let me know by. He couldn't tell me that either.

At that point I got very scared, finally starting to believe that it is possible he may not sign the letter. Yesterday I called the granting foundation and asked what my options are should he refuse to sign the letter (they'll get back to me). I was just worried sick. I started putting in job applications--we don't want to move until my husband graduates, but if I have no job here we would have to move. I considered talking to a lawyer. Refusing to sign the letter is not illegal, but my sister who is in law school said This-is-not-legal-advice employment law isn't usually about what's legal, but what's ethical.

Today I spoke to a Dean in the Grad School (who is in charge of Postdoc matters). She pointed out that the award is made to the institution, not to me and not to my boss. When he is no longer an employee, the institution could sign for him.

That is a huge relief. There is still the matter of 20% of my salary or taking a pay cut, but I feel more certain of the 80% that is funded through this fellowship.

This sort of "relief" always makes me want to say:
If you are considering a career in academic research, RUN AWAY NOW!