I kind of hate to keep bumping this thread up and whining about my pathetic situation but...well, if you get tired of it you can do what I do and ignore that thread. I want this space to vent and bemoan my fate, or get encouragement, or some such nonsense.

Yesterday I thought I was choosing between two jobs. I'd found someone who said he could pay the 20% of my salary that is not covered by my fellowship, and who was willing to take me into his lab. Or, I could go to North Dakota with my boss.

This morning I had a meeting with Prospective Mentor who said "Oops, I was wrong, I don't have the money to cover you. Sorry. If I get this grant at the end of May I can do it. Talk to other people, see if you can find someone else."

Freaking out, even though I knew it was hopeless, I talked to the folks he suggested. They confirmed what I knew: no one has that kind of grant money at loose ends.

Then this evening I learned that my Current Boss actually offered the North Dakota job to someone else. I put aside my anger for how he has treated me over the past two weeks, and whatever induced him to offer my job to someone else, and showed up in his office and said "You are still my mentor, and I just found out this morning that the other guy doesn't have money, and now I just found out you offered my job to someone else. What am I supposed to do now???"

His answer: maybe something will work out. It's not entirely hopeless--I can always take a substantial pay cut so that the fellowship will cover my entire salary. Sure, I'll be making less than some graduate students. My salary will be lower than it ever has been in my graduate career. But I'll have a paycheck. Of sorts.

I said "Maybe I should look for a teaching job" and he said "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

I don't care about the career, or research, any more. I'd love a teaching job. For one thing, it would bring a paycheck. I suppose if it comes to it, I'll take the pay cut and keep the fellowship, for a little while. In the meantime I'll be chasing those "mere" teaching jobs with all my might.