Misunderstood

[Melalvai]

I had a meeting across town with an elderly lady about a course I'm teaching this summer (the scientific literacy course to seniors). She knows I bike and she really wanted to give me a ride, but I turned her down. When I got there the first thing she asked was "Did you ride?" and "Where did you ride from?" Then she wanted to know what road I took and was it safe? Was I going to be riding this summer when I teach the course? And I ever need a ride please please let her know. I explained that I really enjoy biking, and that my husband wishes I'd accept his offer of a ride more often too. I assured her that I because I ride safely, and I've taken a class in how to ride in traffic, that I am just as safe on a bike as in a car, and safer really because I'm getting this exercise which protects me from disease.

I tried not to overdo it, I just wanted to reassure her that I'm fine, I bike because I like to, not because I have to. Then she took me to lunch and she said, embarrassed, "You're going to think this is awful, but I want to drive" (the place she was taking me is one parking lot away). Then she said we could walk instead but I wasn't about to make an old lady walk across a parking lot if she didn't feel up to it! She kept saying "You must feel awful in a car" and "You must think I'm using a lot of gas just to drive through the parking lot". I felt kind of bad, but really I hadn't said anything judgmental or derogatory about cars, all I said was that I enjoy biking more than driving!

Finally when we got back, she said "I really need to be better about walking, Rachel, you'll have to work on me." I just said, "I hope I can be an inspiration," because I'm not about to push my values on anyone.

The entire thing was kind of funny. I've felt before that people misunderstand me, that just because I like to bike they assume I'm judgmental about their SUVs, their gas use, their lack of exercise. But honestly I don't really care about them, so long as they don't honk or yell at me. I do believe people would be happier if they biked more but I would never say so (unless asked).

[Tuckervill]

I have never understood why others think my choices reflect on theirs. ::shrug:::

Karen

[shootingstar]

Finally when we got back, she said "I really need to be better about walking, Rachel, you'll have to work on me." I just said, "I hope I can be an inspiration," because I'm not about to push my values on anyone.

The entire thing was kind of funny. I've felt before that people misunderstand me, that just because I like to bike they assume I'm judgmental about their SUVs, their gas use, their lack of exercise. But honestly I don't really care about them, so long as they don't honk or yell at me. I do believe people would be happier if they biked more but I would never say so (unless asked).

As you know, I haven't lived in a home with car for past 1/4 century. So cycling really on my part, isn't for environmental reasons, even though I'm sure some people think so, especially when some people know my partner is cycling advocate.

As for cycling for health, etc....I just tell them it's a great destressor for me. It's like a drug to me (and you know endorphins are!) What I do say is that I hope people (not necessarily pointing at them) will find some sort of exercise that they will love for life, so they will want to do it for several years.

I do explain to people that I don't drive..I gave up my driver's license because of problems I had with driving.

Nothing you can do if your mere existence as a cyclist makes them feel guilty. Let them talk it out.

[Zen]

This lady is of a different generation. It's not that she misunderstands you in particular. When she was young it was a luxury and a privilege to be able to drive wherever. People who rode their bikes were few and far between.

Maybe she should walk more. Is there any (health) reason why she shouldn't?
as long as she's walking where it's safe it can only be a benefit for her and she might find she enjoys it.



.

[pll]

Finally when we got back, she said "I really need to be better about walking, Rachel, you'll have to work on me."

Sounds to me like she wants a little push to start walking ... Perhaps she wants encouragement and some company on a walk? Somehow it reminds me of a friend's comments years ago, when I started running. She kept telling me how boring she found running. After some time, she started asking when I was running and making all kinds of excuses if I invited her to join me (and, still, running must be so boring). Eventually, she started running with me.

[F8th637]

I have to agree with pll here. It sounds like she WANTS you to encourage her to use her car less. I know you don't want to impose your beliefs on her or anything but she sounds like she wants a little encouragement to be more active. She may also be feeling guilty though she has nothing to be guilty for. That's just the vibe I got.

[mimitabby]

I agree with the last two. She's feeling really guilty; and she should be, at her age, if she isn't walking ACROSS a parking lot, she's really in trouble.

I'd gently try to get her to walk with you. If she won't that's fine, but at least you asked. And she'll feel great for having done it.

[Melalvai]

If the opportunity comes up I'll offer to walk anywhere with her. I'm not going to be working with her much. Just this one summer class, which is only 4 sessions, and a training before that starts.

[Geonz]

That kinda says to look for the chance and seize it In the midst of all the other fru fru going on, hey, if you can bring a few endorphins into some ody's life that would be a good thing!