Hey there Sulis... I want to add my voice to these encouraging words
Do give racing another go.

I don't have a coach, but I do live with cyclists (my partner is a time trial gold medalist, my 19yr old was at the top of the club, almost beating his father. He has stopped cycling for now, but still avidly follows and talks cycling. My 17 1/2 yr old is now racing in the same grade as his father (in the last ITT he was only 2 seconds behind him). My nearly 15 yr old is rapidly rising through the club grades also - his average speed in the club race today was 38kph.

So although none of us have a coach, we do live, talk and breathe cycling, so in a sense we are each others coaches.

Also, as Eden and NJ say, being part of a team is fantastic in terms of support and fine-tuning skills. In a sense, I suppose again this house is its own team. We operate like one in terms of going to events, supporting each other and such. Although we ride in three different ability grades, or 4 different age-grades and cannot race together... we do train together and support each other at events in whatever way is necessary...

And I think thats what you need to find - some kind of support network that not only hones your skills and mind, but also cries and laughs with you, keeps you accountable and also helps you realise that you cannot win/have a personal best every day.

Do race again, and find like-minded people - whether its a coach or some other person/people

Do race again - its so much fun (LOL... and not at all addicative!)