Quote Originally Posted by shootingstar View Post
*Been living together for past few years. But have been together as a couple for much longer... over last 17 years. It is possible that we've just carried over our separate decision-making parallel lives over from prior-to living together. As a couple, we also have lived through physical long-distance relationship for over 2 years when he lived in Calgary and I in Toronto.
I think this is really the heart of the issue. The only people I've known to feel comfortable maintaining long-term long-distance relationships are people who have a high level of independence and personal autonomy. Most folks that want a more inter-dependent relationship would go absolutely crazy at the prospect of an LDR that lasted longer than just a few years under duress (say, while one or both are working on their education or specific career goals).

It sounds like he would rather live his own life as if he were single. I'm not saying that this is right or wrong. However, it does seem clear that you and he have markedly different ideas preferences about the level of involvement and communication that should exist within a couple. If you can't reach some level of compromise that is comfortable and achievable by both of you, this incompatibility will be a continual source of hurt feelings.