@3%$#&*^%

[Tri Girl]

In our district, if we suggest something, we have to pay for it. If we suggest counseling, therapy, special testing: we have to foot the bill (stupid, yes!) Keeps us from saying things that we really need/want to because we're liable for getting the services we're suggesting. Sometimes I wish we could send anonymous letters to parents telling them the truth and saying what needs to be said (good, bad, otherwise).
I've been in your shoes. I dealt with a major bully 3 years ago. Very similar situation- no parental control, lots of excuses, major manipulation. It's very tough, and it was a rough year. This year I have my "mountain" to deal with. Not a bully, but EXTREME ADHD (diagnosed by several different doctors, and this kid was even on Stratera when he was younger but mom thinks she can control his behavior through diet- which she absolutely cannot). Anyway, his behavior is totally impulsive, completely insane and not only bugging the holy h*ll out of his classmates and me, but socially isolating himself from any interaction with any other human. Mom and dad won't listen, have 7 other kids, don't care, etc... A dozen conferences and behavior plans later and still no change on the horizon. I do the best I can for him when I have him and try my best. Very frustrating.

Anywho- I can only tell you that you're right- you can't take this personally and to heart. You've put yourself into the position to help him as much as you can, but you can't undo 12 years of consistent inconsistency from home. Unfortunately, he's learned how to manipulate the world and say and do whatever he needs to to get the desired result. Don't give up, but don't wear yourself out or change your life around to have to be there all the time. I don't know if that helped, but I hope you can survive the last month or two in peace, and send him on knowing you did what you could and fell satisfied with that. You're a great teacher, but you can't change bad parenting. If you could- you'd make our jobs so easy "a caveman could do it."

And to think: when I started teaching 10 years ago kids weren't this bad (meaning: I didn't have to deal with as many situations like yours on a daily basis). What will it be like in another 10? I sometimes fear what my job will be like. I seem to do a little less teaching each year, and a little more parenting. It's one reason I don't want to be a mom myself. I do enough parenting at school teaching right from wrong, disciplining other's children, having heart to heart talks about the world and mean kids, teaching common courtesy. It's sad.

Sorry this was so long. I got carried away with my own issues. It's been a tough year...

[Crankin]

I don't think this kid has a real special ed issue; but it could be ADHD, coupled with very bad parenting. Any parenting ed. classes around for them? This is where your school counselor/psych. could help.
As said before, just starting the pre-referral process might be enough to get these parents off their a$$es to do something.
How about coming up with some logical consequences for this kid, as a team, including the parents. Some parents really have no clue!
And yes, I can relate to the "mean girls" described above. They are rampant during the middle school years (especially 5th-7th grade). My school is a Developmental Design/Responsive Classroom school and we have an anti-bullying program. Both of these things have gone a long way to help the kids find different ways to act. But, being mean seems to be part of the "testing" that happens at this age.
I was a pretty mean girl when I was that age...