One more thing. My husband is a fast racer type. There are no women in his peer group in our club that can stay with that group unless they allow her to (meaning they aren't going all out). I think you will find it very frustrating if your goal is to ride his pace. I am not as fast as my husband, but that doesn't mean that I don't love to ride and that its not a hugely important part of my (and our) life. For me, it keeps me physically healthy, mentally sound, and lets me do my bit for the environment. Mostly its a spiritual thing that keeps me strong in all aspects of my life.

SO, don't let the saddle problem discourage you. Its a great sport, so focus on first being able to ride pain free. Then find a peer group that will help you get stronger. Then you will be strong enough to go on rides with DH where he isn't going all out but you'll be able to ride fast enough that he'll still be able to enjoy it. Our you can go on cycling vacations together, and he can carry most of the luggage, like we do .