Helping a disabled sibling, how far would you help?

[OakLeaf]

I feel for your friend, and I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers. That's a horrible situation to be in.

But you seem to be asking us for validation of your judgment of your friend's family. I wouldn't judge without knowing the history (and then I would still try not to judge).

We seem to be headed that direction with my sister-in-law, not immediately but in the long term. I really don't want to go into details here. No, we wouldn't let her starve, but first of all we would have to find out that she needed help, and then we would have to assure ourselves that any help we might give wouldn't be squandered. And there would still be limits and boundaries.

No one is a bottomless pit of money or energy, for one thing. And family dynamics... let's just say that not everyone's childhood involved learning that family are supposed to take care of one another. It's easy to say it's the "right thing to do," and one can learn that in adulthood on an intellectual level, but to find the emotional will to go through real sacrifices, and to accept and receive those sacrifices, is a challenge for all members of the family.