Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[Triskeliongirl]

You raised two issues:

1) saddle issues. you've gotten a lot of good suggestions on how to deal with this. if it were me I would start with a professinal fit.

2) needing hubby to help you understand gearing. try this link: http://www.sheldonbrown.com/gearing/index.html

I think you need to decide if you want to ride, for you, and if so, take personal responsibility to solve your fit problems and educate yourself on how this simple machine works. It may have come off wrong on how you said it, but it sounds like you have fear that unfortuanatly many women in our society seem to have of understanding mechanical things.

In some ways this is turning into a discussion of feminism, but I think that is cool. When I was younger I identified with feminism, but once I became a successful professional I didn't think that much about it. But my daughter attends a womens college and is very much in tune with modern feminism (we are even going to V-day in New Orleans together, any other TE gals going???) and the equity (or lack there of) issues that still plague many women around the world.

We are not trying to judge you, or your relationship, but we are letting you know that its OK to be a strong women, and that strong women take responsibility for solving their own problems and getting what they want in life.

In terms of my personal experience with relationships, we are about to celebrate our 23th wedding anniversary, and yeh we do cycle together, and would never let a saddle come between us. We have mutual respect for each other, and helping each other achieve their goals. Can I ask how old you are? (i am 50). I will also add that for us, cycling togehter often means going together to a club ride and having lunch together after, but then he'll ride with his peer group and I'll ride with mine. We do tour together, but that is a different dynamic, and he'll carry more luggage to even us out a bit (he is a stronger rider).

Ditto what knotted said.

[Starfish]

we are letting you know that its OK to be a strong women, and that strong women take responsibility for solving their own problems and getting what they want in life.

Well said.

I don't even see this as a feminist issue...substitute the word person for the word women, above, and it makes all kinds of sense for any relationship (for young men with their moms/dads or others, etc...about any relationship).

[Triskeliongirl]

Oh, I so agree. I had a similar conversation with a male graduate student the other day that I thought was giving in to 'weakness' and not living up to his potential.

Loving another person, whether a partner, parent, sibling, etc. means wanting to work to help both people be strong.

[Mr. Bloom]

Loving another person, whether a partner, parent, sibling, etc. means wanting to work to help both people be strong.

I've waited to weigh in. Some of the advice I see suggest seems to be more than "righteous push back" but rather "mean push back". I love what Triskeliongirl said here

I'm not one to speak about control in a relationship (I have my own demons on that...) and if your hubby is military...control is probably ingrained in his psyche. That's not going to change overnight.

I think push back offered in love makes a relationship stronger. One can be strong, decisive, and free without being mean...

[Zen]

Oven mitts, oven mitts, oven mitts.

[Trek420]

Like these?

[Zen]

Yes, please
Those are nice!

[Trek420]

Yes, please
Those are nice!

I forgot to credit them. You can get your very own pair of cycling oven mitts as "Etsy.com"

And that's "Ms. B****" to you.

[OakLeaf]

(we are even going to V-day in New Orleans together, any other TE gals going???)

Oh Trisk I am so jealous! Eve Ensler was in the next town last week. I went to hear her speak and even dragged DH out, he was very reluctant to go but afterward he was really glad he went. (and that he wasn't the only male there ) She was fabulous.

/hijack off - nothing really to add to what others have said, just adding my support for GG!

[SadieKate]

GeorigaGirl, just wanted to let you know that I don't read your husband as controlling at all. RoseRyder got it so right -- I've found that hubbys and boyfriends are sometimes the worst teachers out there even if they have your interest at heart. The whole Mars/Venus communication thing is amplified...

This thread does seem to be going off into worries about your relationship when I didn't see that at all. I've got an ex-military officer hubby and he can be an opinionated SOB at times. Thinks he knows everything and will butt into conversations in stores when I'm trying to gather info from the expert, expert NOT being him. I've just learned to kick him in the shins. The man likes to talk but he's durable. 24 years of shin-kicking and he still tries it. Or maybe he's just a slower learner.

Is he controlling? Not at all. Matter of fact, he'll frequently recognize before I when I need to do something on my own, without him, and would never read or post here because he sees it as my space (unless I ask him to). He's incredibly enthusiastic and supportive of me, but can he be an arrogant know-it-all? You bet.

Anyway, just wanted you to know that not all of us think your husband is in anyway detrimentally controlling -- at least from what we've read here. He sounds in many ways like a winner.

Try as many saddles as it takes and a fitting to be sure you have the saddle in the right place on the bike and under your anatomy. And many happy miles together.

[Crankin]

Trisk, I am one who gladly lets my husband do ALL of the mechanical work. I can barely tie my shoes and it's a miracle that I even ride and understand the gearing and can somewhat converse on an intelligent level about the mechanical aspects of cycling. I consider myself a feminist, but I just suck at anything that is mechanical, requires eye hand coordination, or even remembering the steps of how to do something that involves a machine or technology. I would be quite happy with no computers, IPods, cell phones, etc. In fact, I often tell my husband, who is a gadget guru, that I feel like I can't use half the stuff in our house. He always volunteers to show me, but I just get too frustrated, mainly because I think it's not necessary in the first place and I zone out. And believe me, it wasn't that I was brought up to be a shrinking violet. In my family, my mom could do anything mechanical and my dad is worse than me when it comes to this stuff. I know I have a visual perception issue, but I have solved this problem by totally avoiding things that require this ability. I still don't like to ride alone because I live in fear of a mechanical, but I do. I've been to tons of workshops, had other women show me stuff, and it just goes in one ear and out the other. I know that this sounds whiny, but some people, men included, really are bad at this stuff, or just don't like it.