You're going to tell the teachers and people at school before you tell your kids?

I don't think that's wise, really. They should be the FIRST to know, no matter what. Forget that they might find out from the wrong person in the wrong way at the wrong time--they don't need to know that you told someone else before you told them, and it's quite possible someone could let it slip. What about the pitying looks they may receive? I think you owe it to your kids not to even subject them to the risk of hearing it from someone else--or knowing that the other person knew before them.

I'm very sorry your family is going through this, and I hope it all works out for the best.

Karen