What to say?

[bike4ever]

IFjane - I'll actually be in Rhoadesville this Friday. I have to tell my best friend from college our news. Interestingly, each time we have talked lately on the phone she asks what's going on. She knew something was up.

I'll also be heading to Roanoke Easter Sunday to visit my mom. That definitely won't be a fun conversation since she absolutely loves my husband. I'll probably be the one disowned!

[Tuckervill]

You're going to tell the teachers and people at school before you tell your kids?

I don't think that's wise, really. They should be the FIRST to know, no matter what. Forget that they might find out from the wrong person in the wrong way at the wrong time--they don't need to know that you told someone else before you told them, and it's quite possible someone could let it slip. What about the pitying looks they may receive? I think you owe it to your kids not to even subject them to the risk of hearing it from someone else--or knowing that the other person knew before them.

I'm very sorry your family is going through this, and I hope it all works out for the best.

Karen

[HillSlugger]

Mine were 8 and 3 when we separated. The 8yo cried, the 3yo didn't know what was happening. That was back in 1999 so I don't even remember what we told them. We all survived and they are smart, well adjusted, loving kids.

Make sure they know that they are loved and that nothing will ever change that. It will be hard but it should all be ok eventually. My thoughts are with you.

[CyclaSutra]

What a hard thing to do.

I don't remember the actual talk, I don't think there was one when my parents split up. All I remember is being in the lobby of the courthouse when my dad knelt down and asked me who I wanted to live with. Of course that's not an OK thing to say to an overly sensitive 11-year-old.

So I'm sure you guys have the optimal custody idea worked out between you.

I also like the idea of more scheduled time to talk about it. Much better than ignoring the large pachyderm in the room.

Best wishes.

[tulip]

My heart goes out to you, bike4ever. I'm going through a divorce, but there are no children involved. In my case, it's hard enough as it is. Warm wishes and hugs.

[bike4ever]

Well we had our conversation last night. My husband led the conversation off with positives - how much we love them and our continued emphasis on high expectations for school.

As we predicted, we received 3 completely different responses. Our oldest (15) was quiet and calm. Our middle (13) became extremely angry with an excessive amount of yelling and crying. Our youngest (10) just cried and kept asking why.

I spoke with the middle school and high school counselors yesterday after school. Both were appreciative of the information and would pass it to the appropriate teachers. My husband spoke with the elementary teacher and counselor also after school yesterday.

I have already emailed the two counselors that I spoke with yesterday. I informed them of the individual boys reaction. I have heard from the middle school counselor, and she has already had a calming session with him. She knows that he doesn't like to be pulled out (makes him embarrassed) so she has created a way to speak with him without it being a big middle school ordeal.

So, we started quietly today. We are answering questions as best as possible. We know things will work out - just will take time. I am surprised that I do not have a headache today!