What to say?

[kat_h]

I was on the kid side of it years ago, but I don't remember what anyone said. All that stands out in my memory now is that one day the house was quiet, peaceful, without anyone fighting, and then over the next few years I got to watch my parents learn how to be happy again.

Good luck and hugs.

[rocknrollgirl]

I am with Kat. I was 14 when my parents finally split up. It was a blessing. We did not have a lot of fighting, I just knew they did not love each other. They both found love the second time around, and I was very happy for both of them.

Just keep the lines of communication open and try to spend time with them.

Good Luck.

[singletrackmind]

I've only had to witness the after effects of one parent telling the kids the other doesn't want to see them anymore and doesn't love them and then keeping the kids away for a month. That should be an obvious no-no.

Other than that try not to talk badly of the other parent to the kids, supporting the other parent's position when the kids are over there and avoiding the temptation to "rescue" them when they call, keeping each other up on what's going on with the kids. They love both of you and shouldn't have to choose sides. They will also quickly figure out what they can get away with at which house, thus the communication need. The hardest part might be letting them talk about what's going on at the other house, especially after more people enter the mix, but it's part of the deal and part of keeping communication open with your kids.

All in all, how they handle it depends on their personalities and your interactions with each other.

Hope you are doing alright too, best wishes to you and yours.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

One minor suggestion-
When you sit them down and tell them, you will have had time to sort out your feelings and words on it all, but to them it will be new and perhaps a shock. I suggest you schedule at least one additional sit down family talk all together a couple days afterwards in order to give them time to formulate their thoughts and feelings first, so they can then give some relevant input of their own.

[bike4ever]

BleeckerSt_Girl - very good suggestion about the additional family talk.

My husband and I have already discussed how we are going to present the news. Positive words, bad news, then positive words.

Everyone has given great suggestions. This is not going to be fun. One thing that we will be explaining to them is that we realize if we stay together, our frustration will come out verbally too much. We don't want the kids exposed to that.

I'm at least working today to distract myself. I sure hope we are busy.

[IFjane]

bike4ever {{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}

Sounds like a trip to VA is in order once you sort through all this. My best to you, your husband, and your children. It is tough. Mine were grown when it happened and it was still very hard. It will eventually be ok, though.

Let me know when you are in the area.

[LBTC]

B4E, I have no experience to draw from on this one, just want you to know I'm sending butterflies of calm, compassion, love and light.

Hugs,
~T~

[bike4ever]

IFjane - I'll actually be in Rhoadesville this Friday. I have to tell my best friend from college our news. Interestingly, each time we have talked lately on the phone she asks what's going on. She knew something was up.

I'll also be heading to Roanoke Easter Sunday to visit my mom. That definitely won't be a fun conversation since she absolutely loves my husband. I'll probably be the one disowned!