Here's one that will take a long time

[Geonz]

You can't knkow how much this helps ... he's one of these (like me) very tactical and cool and unemotional guys - but not really (like me . Not that he represses it; he just doesn't talk about it much or show it often. Yet, basically... if you know how to ask, it's there - and when I make sure to remember that without overthinking it, good things have happened. So... card, foodstuffs, a wine he rather likes, and... no, not a phone number to call, a phone call. Both. (Um, one ridiculous complication is that I have an inexplicable resistance to making phone calls. It's as if I didn't know the things were invented; I don't think of it. Good grief ) He's out of town but the man does have a cell phone.

[KnottedYet]

Call him and leave him a message just letting him know you're thinking of him. In all likelihood his cell phone is off right now and you will get voicemail. When my dad died, it was message like that which really helped me.

Nevermind the romantic stuff in the background, he's probably not thinking about it right now, just call the guy as a friend. Overcome your resistance to making phone calls, even if only this one time. Losing a parent is devastating and numbing and overwhelming. He may really need to just know someone is thinking of him right now.

[MM_QFC!]

Call him and leave him a message just letting him know you're thinking of him. In all likelihood his cell phone is off right now and you will get voicemail. When my dad died, it was message like that which really helped me.

Nevermind the romantic stuff in the background, he's probably not thinking about it right now, just call the guy as a friend. Overcome your resistance to making phone calls, even if only this one time. Losing a parent is devastating and numbing and overwhelming. He may really need to just know someone is thinking of him right now.

Your advice is right on, Knott (IMHO) and I think that the "never mind" comment is key, in that, if I wasn't already in a relationship when my Mom passed away, there's no way that anything other than a caring, friendly message would help. I'd recommend keeping his state of mind and feelings uppermost in your considerations. If he's dealing with this really hard hit ("Devastating and numbing and overwhelming", as Knot counsels - aren't anywhere near overstating it ), arrangements, family, longtime friends in the area, it may not be a good idea to be calling right now anyway. If there's a way to leave a caring 'back door' message, meaning that you can do it through cell phone voicemail and not have his phone ring at inconvenient or inappropriate times (especially if he's in another time zone and in the middle of a meal, sleeping, at a somber meeting, etc), that would be ideal. Leaving a note and friendly care package at his place sounds great, as he may not be up to answering his door and receiving even friendly visitors for a while.
It's hard, I know...best of luck to you...

[Geonz]

Oh, I am much, much better at 'back door' things than direct contact We would not be as close as we are if it weren't for e-mail, for sure. (But what do you say next?)

THanx bunches... I do remember what it's like to lose parents.

[Geonz]

Welp, now that I'm back, it's raining 'cause I called in a few weather goddess favors. (We were supposed to get 2-3 inches of rain between last night and today; it's done little more than drizzle.) A cinnamon crunch scone and a tart cherry scone (because!) are ensconced in a coffee tin, and a bottle of that Australian wine he likes (that's on sale for $6/bottle, so this isn't a "big deal") is in a black bag with a purple card that I'm pretty sure won't blow away, next to that partial case of Sam Adams sitting on his back porch, "just in case you're coming home to a feeling-empty house" and a few odd tendernesses, as well as letting him know I'll prob'ly be by to pick up that Dahon tomorrow...

[Tuckervill]

Niiiiiiiice.

Karen

[Geonz]

Now for a glass of wine for me