I think you're right to test rides some bikes. I also think you're right to not rule out men's bikes. I would stick to shops that are willing to spend some time with you on fit. If all they do is have you stand over the bike, either be prepared to go elsewhere or express some concern that the bike really does fit you, i.e., is the top tube and stem the right length for your torso; are the handlebars the right width; can you comfortably get your hands around the brifters (brakes/shifters); are your your knees relative to the pedals in the right position? Ideally, the shop includes a comprehensive fitting with the bike purchase, but my experience is that most don't. I, for one, made sure that my bike was roughly a good fit when I bought it. Then I took it to another shop for a comprehensive fitting for about $150. It was money well spent.
Ask them if they're willing to do some swaps if necessary to make the bit fit correctly. You'll also want to ask them about service after the bike purchase, i.e., are there any free or discounted tuneups and do they offer any discount for all the accessories you're going to need?
Beyond that, it really comes down to taking the bike out for a ride and seeing how you feel on it and how it handles.
Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.
--Mary Anne Radmacher