Dear So and So

[SadieKate]

Us two and Bubba isn't here. There is no way I can haul the stupid ladder into the house by myself without whacking up the walls and moulding.

One of my co-workers just called. His carbon monoxide alarm started last night also. Was there something kind of weird ju-ju last night? The waxing gibbous moon?

What?

[katluvr]

I just found this discussion thread. I enjoyed it greatly while eating lunch at my desk at work (yes, let big brother watch--some day I just hope to get fired over using the web for personal business!). I just hope I can be as witty as some have in my Dear So & So....

Dear Goodess of Health,
I am tired of my cold. I do not normally get sick and I am now sick and tired of being sick. I need--no I WANT to ride this weekend, so please let me feel better.

Dear Bike,
Be kind to me this weekend. I really, really want to ride you faster...you sleek pink carbon beauty! So let's be one with the wind (hopefully it will be at my back the entire time!).

[bruiser]

Dear Oregon Department of Revenue,
Why is it that even though I decreased my allowances, thus allowing you to take even more of my income, you give me back $200 less than last year?! I gave you a lot of my money and if you aren't going to put it to good use, I want it back! Besides, I want to buy my new bike so that I may continue saving the roads and the environment. Doesn't that count as a charitable donation?

Dear company of employment,
Please, pretty please give me more than a paltry 3% raise- that barely covers the cost of inflation! I would like to remind you that I didn't see any other supervisors or managers at store 287 volunteering to work overnights for 3 months during Christmas...

[sundial]

Dear IRS,

Thank you soooooooo much for informing me NOW that I overpaid by $14 last year. Now, if you'll provide the refund with the current interest rate, we'll call it even.

[Velobambina]

To Whom It May Concern --- Thank you for decent riding conditions this am. Just a touch of black ice, which I could easily see and avoid. Thank you, too, for keeping the snow away.

[lph]

Dear biking co-workers, with whom I am trying to design a team jersey, in particular the following two groups:

Dear Manly Men: stop being so damn snooty. I know democracy isn't particularly time-efficient, but it still happens to be pretty popular. Don't send me subtle, condescending hints that it's a girlish waste of time. It's an insult to my trying to be fair, and if you don't like the way I'm doing it, do it yourself fercryinoutloud.

Dear Shrinking Violets: grow up. I know we all have strong opinions, but have the guts to just state them in public. Don't let on that you have lots of opinions, then go all precious and refuse to say anything, and don't state your opinions clearly, concisely and politely in writing one day and then go around REGRETTING it the day after.

Just get over yourselves for heavens sake. It's a JERSEY, not the United Nations, a cure for cancer or a divorce. But the coordinator position is up for grabs, as of now.

[lph]

Good Lord. Dear Manly Men and Shrinking Violets. Thank you. You obviously got my subliminal messages yesterday (was it the bulging vein in my forehead? the rapidly dilating pupils? the abrupt grey in my hair?) and decided to behave like normal decent adults today. Peace is restored, all's well with the world.

But somebody else still gets to be jersey coordinator from now on. Now you can see how you like it

[Tuckervill]

Dear biking co-workers, with whom I am trying to design a team jersey, in particular the following two groups:

Dear Manly Men: stop being so damn snooty. I know democracy isn't particularly time-efficient, but it still happens to be pretty popular. Don't send me subtle, condescending hints that it's a girlish waste of time. It's an insult to my trying to be fair, and if you don't like the way I'm doing it, do it yourself fercryinoutloud.

Dear Shrinking Violets: grow up. I know we all have strong opinions, but have the guts to just state them in public. Don't let on that you have lots of opinions, then go all precious and refuse to say anything, and don't state your opinions clearly, concisely and politely in writing one day and then go around REGRETTING it the day after.

Just get over yourselves for heavens sake. It's a JERSEY, not the United Nations, a cure for cancer or a divorce. But the coordinator position is up for grabs, as of now.

This is cracking me up. How ACCURATE! At least in my case I deal mostly with men in my volunteer position--they don't tend to fret about expressing their opinions. They just don't express them--so they can complain about my decision later.

Karen

[lph]

Thanks. I was kinda pleased with the way that came out too

I should have noted, but forgot to - that ALL the biking coworkers I was addressing above are male, both the manly and shrinking kind. Stupid me bought into the idea that coordinating them was going to be a straightforward and simple affair.

[Pax]

Dear disturbed college students,

Please stop thinking the best way to eliminate your demons is to go out "in a blaze of glory", taking other innocents with you. Stop for one moment and think outside yourself and your issues. I realize as a society we've given you the false impression that you are the most important thing in the world, as a thinking human being it was your job to see beyond that and seek help if you needed it.

To the most recent one...Now you are gone and have left tragedy in your wake, if there is a hell I'm sure you're there, if reincarnation exists your next life as a blind beggar in the gutters of Darfur will be waiting.

[Fredwina]

Dear Mayor of Sandy Place Ranch:
While I appreciate getting a birthday card from you, The thought that you know my birthday is a little unsettling, particularly since I have never met you (granted I did vote for you)
and yes, I did appreciate the fact that it was printed and mailed without taxpayer expense, but I'm still wondering who designed the card?

[mimitabby]

Dear Fredwina,
Happy Birthday! The mayor let me know it was your birthday! Not too many people are THAT important!

Mimi

[bmccasland]

Dear BK,
WHY do you call two weeks after the 45 day comment period requesting more information on a document, and bring up issues that are not covered in the document? Those other issues were covered in other documents, this particular one was to address one specific problem that earlier plans didn't realize existed. AND the comment period for the earlier documents was over YEARS ago. So why are you requesting more information in order to put something in writing? If you had the document in your slimy hands since December, it is not my fault you waited until the February neighborhood association meeting to bring it up. Why didn't you bring it to their attention in January?

Why don't you just take a long walk off a short pier. And unless you send your letter by registered return receipt mail, it's going to meet my friend Mr. Shredder. You had your chance. We aren't going to hold up the project because you can't get off your butt to sabre rattle two months late. And we all know how bad the mail service is in this area. Things get lost, oh what a shame. Better yet, I'll sick the project manager on you, she doesn't pander to anyone.

[Zen]

Dear Fredwina,... The mayor let me know it was your birthday!

[Kitsune06]

Dear So and So

So, do you get paid to be such an azzhole, or do you do it out of the shriveled blackness of your little heart? I'm just asking because I can't understand how you can possibly be so callous first to someone else and also about your own business.

Most of the azzholes I know are either hard-nosed to other people and sensitive about themselves, OR they at least PRETEND to care about other people out of courtesy and could care less about themselves. You, however, manage to spread your blatant disregard of life and common decency to everyone.

You must truly be lonely and bitter, and thank God for that, because I wouldn't wish the misery of your company on anyone.

Oscar Wilde said "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
...and I deeply wish you would spread happiness in whichever way would best befit you.

I have no more kind words left for you. I play nice when I have to, and I ignore you as often as possible, but for your last, most uncaring action, I'd actually like nothing more to tell you to go to hell.