I wouldn't let her have the dog or the kid back. It doesn't sound like she is raising either properly. Intimidation isn't the way to train either. And the realtionship with the boyfriend doesn't sound all that healthy.

Since keeping the kid and dog really isn't an option, is this someone you want to stay friends with? Does she have some positive qualities that you haven't told us about? Can you have a frank discussion with her? Maybe she just doesn't know how to positively discipline.

I've always thought training dogs and training kids required the same behavior from the "parents" - firm, fair and CONSISTENT. This is based on training one Rottweiler and over 500 ten year olds. The dog learned better than some kids.

You have been a really great friend to take both dog and child for so long.

V.