Dear So and So

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

It sounds to me as though you and your longtime friend have drifted down different paths in life. Sometimes we have friends who fit perfectly into a certain time and place in our lives, but the same friend just doesn't drum to the same beat as we do anymore. When this happens it's good to let the friendship drift off, at least until it might gel again sometime in the future.
You could invest a whole lot more energy and angst in trying to keep things tight between you and your friend, but it sounds to me like she's determined to maintain her current projectory anyway. Do you really want to keep trying to get her straightened out? Is it even your job to do so? It would do her no real favor to put on a fake upbeat exterior and attend her wedding with inner negative feelings.
It might be hard to do, but not doing it will be harder in the long run....if I were you I would thank her and say I can't attend for personal reasons. If she presses you for more info, just say that though you wish her well, you feel you have both sort of gone down different paths. Let the chips fall where they may, at least you will be true to yourself.

[Tuckervill]

You know, Indy, maybe you should just be a "guest" at the wedding. Make up something. Bridezilla and rich bridesmaid would be ENOUGH to have me making excuses. You don't have to make it about your moral dilemma. Make it about how you are too stressed out by your own life to be anything more than a guest.

Sometimes sisters don't get along, you know?

Karen

[indysteel]

Sometimes sisters don't get along, you know?

Given that I haven't voluntarily spoken to my real sister in over four years, that's very true. All of you have given me food for thought. I appreciate your comments and advice.

[deedolce]

Dear self,
I wish you weren't such a baby. I know you got smacked in the nose by your partner with the tennis ball. I know it bled from both sides and your neck is sore. But it really, truly, didn't hurt that bad after a while. You let your whole game slide, and you guys lost all 3 sets. Oh please. And then you felt like crying nearly a set later because it was upsetting. You're almost 50! I would think you would have toughened up a little bit by now!


Dear ex-online interest,
Why are you writing me again? Telling me all of the fun, mid-life crisis things you've been up to? Why do I still think about you too much?



Dear all ex's;
Why do you either a) grow your hair long or b) get a motorcycle after we break it off? I'm getting a complex...

~me

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Dear A-hole brother of mine,
Last time you started screaming and cursing me and hanging up the phone on me a few years ago, our mother was alive and well, and when she got sick and slowly deteriorated, you and I still needed to occasionally communicate in order to discuss necessary things concerning her and family matters. We somehow maintained a strained phony friendly facade with each other. It wasn't easy, believe me.

However, now that she is resting in peace I no longer have any need to put up with your control-freak toxic anger and a-hole-isms. Thus, when despite my quiet plea to continue to talk things out on the phone this evening so that we could each express our thoughts in turn and somehow reach an understanding and a compromise regarding the latest fiasco, you flew into another inappropriate rage and cursed and yelled and hung up on me again.
I am blessed to have my sweet DH to comfort me after your insane outburst.

Well.... I simply don't NEED someone like you in my life anymore, regardless of being related to you. Go yell at yourself from now on. It's no coincidence that your older son has refused to see you or speak to you for the past 2 years. He had enough of your b*llsh*t too.
I'll stick with my other brother- who is a kind and loving human being (as are most of the other people in my life), thank you very much. And for you.... here's a free one way ticket to Palukaville. Bon voyage.

[Wahine]

I'm glad you sent him to Palukaville Lisa. It was long coming.

[KnottedYet]

Yeah. What Wahine said.

[IFjane]

.... here's a free one way ticket to Palukaville. Bon voyage.

Lisa- {{{{HUG}}}}

I have no surviving brother to feel that way about - thankfully - but my soon-to-be-DH does, and we would love to send him to Palukaville as well.

Take care, hang in there, be strong and DON'T LET HIM GET TO YOU!

[Velobambina]

Lisa---Sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself. Having toxic siblings myself, I know it isn't easy but it's for the best to know when to let go.

[Velobambina]

Dear Boss---I should have trusted my excellent "people radar" skills and not agreed to work for you. Yesterday, someone who's had professional contact/association with you for years told me that you are a backstabber, verifying my increasingly sinking feeling that it really is all about you. Please don't lie if my home office management calls you to confirm that the job I'm in is NOT the job you promised.

I don't like working for you--you spread chaos due to your ramped up Type A personality, lack of organization, and overuse of caffeine. I could deal with it IF I had real work. Please put your overblown ego aside and recognize the TRUTH -- there is no work available commensurate w/my grade & skill levels. It's not really even your fault because it's due to the budget cuts.

Dear Home Office Boss---Let me come home! Please look over the matrix I sent you, clearly showing that what was promised is not the reality. I'll take an assignment no one else wants just to be fully utilized and contributing to mission again.

Dear Self---If you are stuck completing this rotation, focus on the fact that you have only until 30 September and in July, you can start applying for other jobs. Endeavor to make lemonade out of lemons and to find humor in the situation.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Thank you TE sisters.

[Tuckervill]

Lisa, that sounds just like something I could have written about my eldest brother, but my mom is still alive. Remember your anger and resentment just damages you, not him. You could do like I did. I wrote all my diatribes and rants and accusations and vents out on a blog and posted it for all the world to see, using his real name. I never publicized it, and search terms don't find it, so I doubt it has ever been read by anyone at all. Every once in a while, when I am guilted by my mom or somehow drawn back into his world, I go out and reread and post, and remind myself why I am severing all possible ties.

I feel for you, because it's hard to "walk the fine line between self-respect and self-abuse" just for your parent's sake.

Be true.

Karen

[MM_QFC!]

Hang in there, Lisa - you've had lots to deal with and this very painful decision wasn't made lightly, I'm sure. Anyone who chooses to be an a**hole in my life prompts the same decision from me. There should not be any need to have to walk on eggshells so as not to upset someone, especially a sibling, f'chrissakes. Hopefully, he'll grow up and get healthy and realize the huge loss in not having the gift of his sister in his life - whew!
(((Lisa)))
Mary

[deedolce]

Lisa,
I agree with all the others...he's a head case and no one, especially family, needs to tolerate his abuse! I hope he gets help.

[Xrayted]

Lisa and Tuckervill - I've got the same thing with my oldest brother. The last time I saw him in person was at my niece's wedding reception a few years ago where upon he picked a fight with everyone and ended up breaking glassware and such. We had to make him leave. He made my niece cry hurtful tears at her own wedding reception, ladies. In the end, he called people that were there and told them tons of lies to make it seem as though it was all my fault. I didn't even talk to him there. For years, he's been absolutely nasty and hateful toward me. I hear about the latest antics from my Mom and I stop her right away. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to know anything about him. He's flat out told me I am not part of his family or part of his world at all. That's okay with me. It's easier that way and I am happier not having him in my life. Sometimes you just have to do that.