I know exactly how you feel. Mr. Grey Kitty died on Dec 8 of the same cause. I had decided that I was going to take him for a last vet trip that morning if he hadn't gone on his own. When I came downstairs that morning at about 5:30 I called his name and got a little meow in answer. So I put on the coffee and went and picked him up for a cuddle. He laid in my arms and purred. Then I laid him at my feet while I ate my cereal. After a moment his little feet jerked and he was gone.

I have 3 crape myrtle trees in the back yard with kitties buried underneath. Every summer they give me lovely flowers.