To the tune of Jingle Bells:

Riding through the rain,
My girly bits in pain,
O’er the sand and glass,
Hey driver, kiss my @ss!
Dang I’ve got so fat,
And shoot, another flat,
If I survive this winter clime I’ll have to eat my hat!

Refrain:

Oh, Santa sucks, I need more bucks, to get me a rain bike!
So I can ride these winter roads with no blood pressure spike!
Santa sucks, I need more bucks, just want to see some sun!
I need to get out of this rain or honestly, I’m done!