oh I am so sad!

[mimitabby]

we lost a friend 3 years ago to AIDS. We'd known him for 10 years and he sort of acted like he was our son. It was very hard to accept the fact that he died so young. It's an old feeling, a feeling old feeling that is terrible.
On the other hand, he accomplished much after starting from so little. Even though he's dead now, he's still an inspiration to me. I hope that you have some solace about your friend, and I'm sorry that you lost him. I hope that you can forgive his friend for what he did. He probably loved him in his own way but was too weak to do the right thing.
{{{{Brandi}}}}

[KnottedYet]

(((((((Brandi and DH))))))

A family friend died of AIDS, he's buried near my dad's grave. I always light a candle to set at his stone and care for his gravestone every time I go to care for my dad's.

Little things like that can help, and even be a comfort to think about. Big things like volunteering as a test subject for HIV vaccines can also help. Wearing a red ribbon. Posting to TE so we all think about it. Many things.

Also, consider getting tested for HIV yourself so you can tell someone who is fearful that *you've* done it, and there's no social stigma. I get tested for everything at the end of relationships, and one of my patients was actually comforted by the fact that I had been tested for HIV and wasn't immediately branded as a freak or something, and was more encouraged to get tested themself. (many people are afraid of having the test in their medical record or of getting the test at all. The more of us who have been tested, the less social baggage there will be on getting tested in the first place.) I have several very healthy patients who are HIV positive. They've been kept from developing AIDS because they had testing early on and early drug intervention. Many many people are HIV positive, but don't know it yet. Encouraging the testing is part of how I honor our family friend.

[Brandi]

(((((((Brandi and DH))))))

A family friend died of AIDS, he's buried near my dad's grave. I always light a candle to set at his stone and care for his gravestone every time I go to care for my dad's.

Little things like that can help, and even be a comfort to think about. Big things like volunteering as a test subject for HIV vaccines can also help. Wearing a red ribbon. Posting to TE so we all think about it. Many things.

Also, consider getting tested for HIV yourself so you can tell someone who is fearful that *you've* done it, and there's no social stigma. I get tested for everything at the end of relationships, and one of my patients was actually comforted by the fact that I had been tested for HIV and wasn't immediately branded as a freak or something, and was more encouraged to get tested themself. (many people are afraid of having the test in their medical record or of getting the test at all. The more of us who have been tested, the less social baggage there will be on getting tested in the first place.) I have several very healthy patients who are HIV positive. They've been kept from developing AIDS because they had testing early on and early drug intervention. Many many people are HIV positive, but don't know it yet. Encouraging the testing is part of how I honor our family friend.

It doesn't really seem important for me to get tested. My husband and I have been together 20 years and there IS no one else for me or him. We don't want anybody but eachother. I try and encourage my friends to be with people who love them for who they are and for an honest and caring relationship. And i am huge on going to the Dr if you suspect anything. i have seen to many people die from being scared to go to the Dr. it is a waste of wonderful poeple. But I do see it all the time. This one has just hit closer to home more then most.

[Trek420]

It doesn't really seem important for me to get tested. My husband and I have been together 20 years and there IS no one else for me or him. We don't want anybody but eachother.

(((Brandi)))) I don't think that's what Knott meant to imply

I can't imagine why your friends partner wasn't open about his HIV status but just talking about it is so hard for some. For him to be silent at the risk of his partners life is not something I can understand. But when people talk about HIV, getting tested, prevention it destygmatizes (sp?) it and could save someones life.

Even us talking here.

And especially when "straight" people talk about HIV because then a lightbulb goes off "oh, this is not just a G*y disease, this is something that effects us all."

At my last check up I have a new Dr. and she asked me if I'd been tested ever
"well, yes I have been"
"do you want to be tested again"
"I don't think I need...."
"Have you ever had a blood transfusion"
"well yes I did when I ..."
"within the last 20 years?"
"why would I need to ..."
"How well do you trust the lab that tested the blood? There's an incubation period of 20 years and if it's not your own blood..."

Right now I think it's a time for memories, and to smile as you remember your friends laugh and his talents ....and for tears. Maybe someday later on volunteer or .... UK Eliphant , Knott and I plan on doing the AIDS ride again in '09 (right Knott?).

C'mon and ride with us.

I lost many friends "back in the day"; Brian, Markham, Asa and his twin brother, Tom, Nikko, Mark, Rick a chef I worked with and a dear friend I miss most of all .... these are fellas I thought I'd grow old with like your dear friend.

OK, now you're got me crying

I was skeered to do the AIDS ride, so many hills. I asked a rider how he managed it and he said he greeted each hill like another angel, they are his friends back.

[silver]

I'm so sorry! (hugs)

[Brandi]

(((Brandi)))) I don't think that's what Knott meant to imply

I can't imagine why your friends partner wasn't open about his HIV status but just talking about it is so hard for some. For him to be silent at the risk of his partners life is not something I can understand. But when people talk about HIV, getting tested, prevention it destygmatizes (sp?) it and could save someones life.

Even us talking here.

And especially when "straight" people talk about HIV because then a lightbulb goes off "oh, this is not just a G*y disease, this is something that effects us all."

At my last check up I have a new Dr. and she asked me if I'd been tested ever
"well, yes I have been"
"do you want to be tested again"
"I don't think I need...."
"Have you ever had a blood transfusion"
"well yes I did when I ..."
"within the last 20 years?"
"why would I need to ..."
"How well do you trust the lab that tested the blood? There's an incubation period of 20 years and if it's not your own blood..."

Right now I think it's a time for memories, and to smile as you remember your friends laugh and his talents ....and for tears. Maybe someday later on volunteer or .... UK Eliphant , Knott and I plan on doing the AIDS ride again in '09 (right Knott?).

C'mon and ride with us.

I lost many friends "back in the day"; Brian, Markham, Asa and his twin brother, Tom, Nikko, Mark, Rick a chef I worked with and a dear friend I miss most of all .... these are fellas I thought I'd grow old with like your dear friend.

OK, now you're got me crying

I was skeered to do the AIDS ride, so many hills. I asked a rider how he managed it and he said he greeted each hill like another angel, they are his friends back.

Oh thank you for your words. And I know knotted didn't mean that. It is hard to translate how you are talking online. I was just saying.. oh it doesn't matter. Knotted rocks! And so do you for honoring the people you have loved and loss. I will do something in he's memory the day after christmas we are doing a big hike. I plan to take a moment at the top and say a few words in he's honor and spill some single malt scotch on the earth. He would have liked that.
I am doing much better today.

[Wahine]

Hugs Brandi. I'm really sorry to hear about your friend's early death. It is very sad and the circumstances of his illness sucked. But he gave you many great memories and helped you become who you are today. In that sense, his spirit lives on in the memories of his loved ones. I think it's a great idea to do the AIDS ride.

[KnottedYet]

And if pedalling the AIDS ride doesn't appeal, there is also crewing the ride. I intend to crew in the Sports Medicine gang.

[Pedal Wench]

Right now I think it's a time for memories, and to smile as you remember your friends laugh and his talents ....and for tears. Maybe someday later on volunteer or .... UK Eliphant , Knott and I plan on doing the AIDS ride again in '09 (right Knott?).

C'mon and ride with us.

2009? I think I might have to ride with y'all. I've done multi-day tours, the MS150, and bike support for the breast cancer 3-day, and it looks like this combines them all in a cause I want to support. It would be great to have some contacts who've done it before.

[Pedal Wench]

Brandi, I just read your post about the meteor shower. Part of the joy in that moment is having friends worth crying over when they go.

A dear friend had a similar experience. His (at that point) boyfriend cheated on him, AND did drugs, and didn't tell my friend he tested +. My friend has had it for about 13 years, and seems to have it under control. I couldn't imagine losing him.