another one without a bike it seems

[Kitsune06]

My handlebars are too wide.
I weave too much, side to side.
There aren't enough bike paths.
I'm always alone when I get flats.
I think my bike weighs too much.
Roadies ***** about grams and such.
I'm always running over glass.
I wish endo's landed me on my ***.

I finally figured out my tampon string
I just need to manage that cramping thing.
Slick tires slide everywhere
But knobbies are more weight than I can bear.
I sometimes think I'll drown in rain
But fenders are always such a pain.
Those idiots can't see my lights
Though half are tourists seeing the sights.

Roads are clear after every storm
but cluttered bike lanes are the norm.
Why do I forget to unclip?
I always land right on my hip!
My old bike is used and worn
but bike shops charge my firstborn.

My loved ones call it an addiction
But it's really a cycle predilection.
They pester about my way of life
Velocipede me, and my wife...