Prenups?

[SouthernBelle]

Also a lawyer, The most common reason I've seen to have a pre-nup is to agree what happens at death, not divorce. Esp when kids are yours & mine.

[bikerchick68]

congrats on your engagement! I have to say, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who is concerned about this. Don't wanna be a downer, but I totally understand and empathize with your concern here... best of luck to you in whatever you decide...

[Trek420]

Also a lawyer, The most common reason I've seen to have a pre-nup is to agree what happens at death, not divorce. Esp when kids are yours & mine.

I'm not a lawyer and don't play one on TV

Dumb question of the day: if a pre-nup is only for what happens at death not divorce than why not just have a will?

[kelownagirl]

Yeah, I was wondering that too Trek?

DH and I were in the same situation when we got married last March. We had started to do a prenup type document when we moved in together but then never got around to it. Now we've decided to just make sure our wills are up to date. Course we haven't got around to that either...

[Trek420]

Course we haven't got around to that either...

Yeah but you are busy riding. I'm really bad, there's no excuse, I need to do a will. No intention of using it of course but I do have a house and a dog and 3 bikes and .... now there will be a rush PM's of "can you put me down for the mixte?"

[Sheesh]

We didn't have any assets when we got married, so no need for a prenup. However, my widower FIL just remarried to a widow, and moved into her house. Her house is in a land trust, which I believe stipulates what happens in case of her death. I think they looked at it as a way of making sure my FIL doesn't get displaced from his new home if his wife were to die, but he can't sell the house and take the profits away from the kids. You might consider researching that a bit more.

I can also say that the kids from at least my FIL's side were very concerned about the lack of a prenup, and while they haven't said anything out loud to their father, it has caused some strain for the kids.

[Mr. Bloom]

I'm not a lawyer, but a couple of thoughts:

Emotionally, the right answer depends on how confident you are that you're in this forever (and how confident you are that HE feels the same way). How would you feel about this if he made a mistake (if you get my drift...)

Legally:

• Laws vary from state to state...as Indysteel said, consult with a lawyer...but remember, a lawyer will tell you to get a pre-nup...a really good lawyer will understand the emotional side as well.
• Divorce laws in many states favor the woman - particularly if there are kids (I'm not making a judgment here...just an observation)...this may place you at an advantage anyway
• Some state laws allow for consideration of premarital asset composition in determination of post-marital distribution...thus allowing you to take out what you brought in.

Financially, you mention what you have...but does he have something of equal, but different, value that would equalize?

My encouragement is that if you are sure that this is a mutual relationship and that you would both be forgiving of the other's flaws and mistakes, then skip the pre-nup.

[xeney]

No, a lawyer will not necessarily tell you to get a prenup. Most of the attorneys I know think they are a waste of time and/or a bad idea for most situations. Specific situations might warrant them, but there is a whole system of property division laws in place, and mostly they have been hammered out to be as fair and predictable as possible in most situations. None of the lawyers I know have prenups, including me -- if I'd felt the need to do something different with my assets than what the marital property laws provide for, I would not have gotten married in the first place.

Your situation does sound like one where you should talk to a lawyer, though.

[IFjane]

Financially, you mention what you have...but does he have something of equal, but different, value that would equalize?

My encouragement is that if you are sure that this is a mutual relationship and that you would both be forgiving of the other's flaws and mistakes, then skip the pre-nup.

Thank you all for your comments and advice. I am still torn on this issue. To his credit, Michael is the one who brought up the subject of a prenuptial agreement. I had not even thought about it. And even more to his credit, I am the one who has much more to lose than he. He has some investments but the potential (trust fund) for me to have much more exists. My children are grown, but eventually they will inherit the same trust I should inherit.

I feel the same about prenups - that they imply that the marriage might fail; and they do make divorce easier.

Keep the comments coming - and I will let you know what we decide.

Velobambina - thank you! Yes, I will tell you all about the wedding plans. Definitely a cycling theme, but that's for a new thread.