Prenups?

**IFjane** · 11-29-2007, 10:07 AM

Good afternoon all you wise and wonderful women (and men) out there. I am wondering how many of you have prenuptial agreements & if you think it is a wise decision to have one.

My SO and I (both divorced) have decided to tie the knot in April (yay!). I own my own house and that is where we will live. I also have some other assets that I would like to protect so my children will have the benefit of them.

That said, I love my SO completely and have every confidence that we will be together forever.....but you never know.

I would love to hear your thoughts & advice. Thank you in advance!

**Bad JuJu** · 11-29-2007, 10:42 AM

When I got married, the Chief and I were young and neither of us had anything, so a prenup would have been nonsense.

But if I were to find myself single and considering marriage again now, I would definitely consider doing a prenup for just the reasons you're considering it. Nobody knows what the future holds.

**Bad JuJu** · 11-29-2007, 10:43 AM

Oh and btw, congrats on your impending marriage!

**IFjane** · 11-29-2007, 11:47 AM

Thank you, JuJu! We have been together for seven years now so I guess it's time...

**indysteel** · 11-29-2007, 11:57 AM

Originally Posted by IFjane

Good afternoon all you wise and wonderful women (and men) out there. I am wondering how many of you have prenuptial agreements & if you think it is a wise decision to have one.

My SO and I (both divorced) have decided to tie the knot in April (yay!). I own my own house and that is where we will live. I also have some other assets that I would like to protect so my children will have the benefit of them.

That said, I love my SO completely and have every confidence that we will be together forever.....but you never know.

I would love to hear your thoughts & advice. Thank you in advance!

My advice--as an attorney--is that you talk to an attorney, not only about the pros and cons of a prenup, but also about estate planning in general. If you don't already have one, it sounds like you may need a will.

**wannaduacentury** · 11-29-2007, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by Bad JuJu

When I got married, the Chief and I were young and neither of us had anything, so a prenup would have been nonsense.

But if I were to find myself single and considering marriage again now, I would definitely consider doing a prenup for just the reasons you're considering it. Nobody knows what the future holds.

first quote- When we got married, we had the same assets- none-
and we're still even on finances, it's ours together regardless.

Tough choice on the second one. I personally don't like them, I think it sets people up for the inevitable. I know we can't predict the future, but I would have a will where my assets go and if you've been together and know each other well and long enough, then a prenup shouldn't be an issue. I don't care what society pushes at us. If either party is against it, then it shouldn't be done. Prenups can put a strain on the best relationships. Just my 2 cents. Best wishes to both of you IFJane. Jenn

**SouthernBelle** · 11-29-2007, 12:22 PM

Also a lawyer, The most common reason I've seen to have a pre-nup is to agree what happens at death, not divorce. Esp when kids are yours & mine.

**bikerchick68** · 11-29-2007, 01:29 PM

congrats on your engagement! I have to say, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who is concerned about this. Don't wanna be a downer, but I totally understand and empathize with your concern here... best of luck to you in whatever you decide...

**Trek420** · 11-29-2007, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by SouthernBelle

Also a lawyer, The most common reason I've seen to have a pre-nup is to agree what happens at death, not divorce. Esp when kids are yours & mine.

I'm not a lawyer and don't play one on TV

Dumb question of the day: if a pre-nup is only for what happens at death not divorce than why not just have a will?

**kelownagirl** · 11-29-2007, 03:38 PM

Yeah, I was wondering that too Trek?

DH and I were in the same situation when we got married last March. We had started to do a prenup type document when we moved in together but then never got around to it. Now we've decided to just make sure our wills are up to date. Course we haven't got around to that either...

**Trek420** · 11-29-2007, 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by kelownagirl

Course we haven't got around to that either...

Yeah but you are busy riding. I'm really bad, there's no excuse, I need to do a will. No intention of using it of course

but I do have a house and a dog and 3 bikes and .... now there will be a rush PM's of "can you put me down for the mixte?"

**Sheesh** · 11-29-2007, 04:10 PM

We didn't have any assets when we got married, so no need for a prenup. However, my widower FIL just remarried to a widow, and moved into her house. Her house is in a land trust, which I believe stipulates what happens in case of her death. I think they looked at it as a way of making sure my FIL doesn't get displaced from his new home if his wife were to die, but he can't sell the house and take the profits away from the kids. You might consider researching that a bit more.

I can also say that the kids from at least my FIL's side were very concerned about the lack of a prenup, and while they haven't said anything out loud to their father, it has caused some strain for the kids.

**Mr. Bloom** · 11-29-2007, 05:58 PM

I'm not a lawyer, but a couple of thoughts:

Emotionally, the right answer depends on how confident you are that you're in this forever (and how confident you are that HE feels the same way). How would you feel about this if he made a mistake (if you get my drift...)

Legally:

Laws vary from state to state...as Indysteel said, consult with a lawyer...but remember, a lawyer will tell you to get a pre-nup...a really good lawyer will understand the emotional side as well.
Divorce laws in many states favor the woman - particularly if there are kids (I'm not making a judgment here...just an observation)...this may place you at an advantage anyway
Some state laws allow for consideration of premarital asset composition in determination of post-marital distribution...thus allowing you to take out what you brought in.

Financially, you mention what you have...but does he have something of equal, but different, value that would equalize?

My encouragement is that if you are sure that this is a mutual relationship and that you would both be forgiving of the other's flaws and mistakes, then skip the pre-nup.

**blueskies** · 11-29-2007, 06:26 PM

I'm married, but if I were remarrying at this point in my life, I would want a prenup & wills. I would consider the ability to discuss our financial intentions & come to agreement on this to be a sign of the strength of the partnership.

It is reality that you're each entering the relationship with different assets & your own children. Dealing with that openly & clearly is a positive thing to me.

And all of you who don't have wills- get busy out there!

**xeney** · 11-29-2007, 06:57 PM

No, a lawyer will not necessarily tell you to get a prenup. Most of the attorneys I know think they are a waste of time and/or a bad idea for most situations. Specific situations might warrant them, but there is a whole system of property division laws in place, and mostly they have been hammered out to be as fair and predictable as possible in most situations. None of the lawyers I know have prenups, including me -- if I'd felt the need to do something different with my assets than what the marital property laws provide for, I would not have gotten married in the first place.

Your situation does sound like one where you should talk to a lawyer, though.

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