I wear my cycling shorts, and a spinning jersey and my gloves when I instruct. My palms sweat and the gloves help absorb the sweat so I don't slip all over the handlebars. Some spinning bikes now have more of a padded bar where you don't necessarily need gloves. It depends on the bikes in your studio. I also wear cycling shoes with SPD clips (note: not all spinning bikes have the SPD pedals--some only have the toe cages--you should check with the facility where you are going to spin).
As far as an spinning instructor "kicking" someone's butt, again, I reiterate, it's up to YOU what intensity level you take it to. You need to listen to your body, learn to relax, and let your legs carry you through. If you feel your form starting to suffer, that's your body telling you it's time to take a break. Sit back, relax, release some resistance and gain control of your breath and your pedal strokes. Join back in when you're ready to. It's all about YOU, the rider.
There's nothing wrong with riding in your full cycling gear. If that's what makes you feel like you're really riding outdoors, than go for it. No one should feel they are being judged in the cycling room. It's a non-competitive class. The competition is within yourself and not with anyone else (and especially not with the instructor).




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