the joys of family dynamics

[KSH]

I'd go out and buy a chocolate cake...

Ditto.

And then after I was stuffed with cake, I would sit down and write down everything that is good in my life and what I have to be thankful for.

[smilingcat]

Dear BMC,

I don't think there exist a PERFECT FAMILY. There always is a black sheep. You remember the saying by Tommy Smothers "Mom liked you the best!"
And other odd family dynamics.

Beaver family is just a figment of our imagination and so was Father knows best.

Well its very impressive your brother made 2stars . As to why you were left out, maybe no one was thinking about the rest of the family... an oversight perhaps. Lot of times it comes down to "Well honey, we didn't think you would be interested, besides you are always so busy." Its a standard line I hear.

And job side of things: Men in mgmt still hold onto some very odd notion. Women are not the bread winner so she can lose the job. Men are the bread winner so we CAN'T lay him off. Heavens NOOOO how will he take care of his family if he was laid off? Well they don't ask us. I'm not married. If I don't get paid, how am I supposed to pay all my bills. It never occures in the thick male head. hmm I think I only make about 80 cents on the dollar for comparable male. I think I have more expense then the comparable guy but LIFE JUST ISN'T FAIR. AND NEVER WILL

I'm sorry BMC, I just don't have any answers... chocolate cake sounds good though

smilingcat

[Zen]

Why would they not let you know? Has it always been this way?
Hey, you always have us.

Cake will only make matters worse but new Asics never hurt anybody.
(I bought two pair today)

[LBTC]

{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}}

You're not alone. There were plenty of incidents like this in my family years ago. No idea if there are now - I separated myself from them a long time ago. I'm happy now. As for work, well, I don't have a solution there. It's the way of the world, unfortunately.

Think of us as your family!

Go ahead and vent, be angry, let it out. And then let the anger float away on butterfly wings. You've got stuff to do! How are those fur kids? And how was the MS150?

Hugs,
~T~

[Mr. Bloom]

... I would sit down and write down everything that is good in my life and what I have to be thankful for.

I agree with this and don't forget that there's something very normal about the emotions you're experiencing.

As to your brother,

Giving the benefit of the doubt, I suspect your brother is sensitive to your feelings and didn't want to make you feel bad by telling you about the promotion... On the other hand, whenever something good has happened to me professionally, my parents get VERY upset when I don't tell them. Why don't I? Well, I did my job...that's all it was to me.

But I also encourage you to congratulate him...I'm glad that we have "rocket scientists" in the government and that experienced scientists are receiving the incentives to keep experienced ones motivated in public service...

[bacarver]

Why can't we all just get along?
I'm in the dysfunctional family club too. I have worked really hard to reach out especially to my brother.
Haven't gotten very far.
Now I'm proud of myself for trying to do the right thing. Years from now, I'll know that I tried to open the door. I was kind and generous.
Search your heart and set a good example.
Barb

[Veronica]

Wow! This just made me want to go hug my big sis who's visiting now - but she's still sleep.

I don't know... it seems to me you'd have to work a least a little bit to be a rocket scientist. And being a two star general has got to carry some heavy duty stress. I doubt his life is really all that cushy. And I think that if you get passed over your first time around for promotion as an officer in the military, you're unlikely to get promoted the second time. And you don't get a third chance. That info comes from a good friend - major in the Marine Corps.

Ask him why he didn't tell you. There could be all kinds of good reasons why he didn't tell you.

Is it really his fault that you've had to struggle in your chosen field? Is that really something you should be angry at him for?

I'm not asking this to be mean, but just to help you put some perspective on it. It sounds like you're really unhappy with your work environment and maybe it's time to look around at what else you can do - either in your field or something else. Change can be good.

I wouldn't eat all the chocolate cake though. A slice or two should be enough.

V.

[Tuckervill]

Ditto.

And then after I was stuffed with cake, I would sit down and write down everything that is good in my life and what I have to be thankful for.

+1!

Karen

[Tuckervill]

Ask him why he didn't tell you. There could be all kinds of good reasons why he didn't tell you.

And to what Mr. Silver said about not thinking much of it (although getting a second star is a Big Deal).

Maybe your mom is the one to blame? Maybe he didn't want a fuss, and she insisted on coming? My mother has done things that caused rifts between me and my older brother by doing stuff like that.

My oldest son is very private about his success, too. When he came home from Iraq, his commander ordered him to speak to the media that day, and he REALLY didn't want to, so he gave one-word answers even though he's very articulate. He didn't think he'd done anything special. He didn't want the attention. He thought his homecoming should be private.

Some people are just like that.

I doubt your brother's life was without struggle, either. Men don't always let people know their struggles. Give a little grace, and it will come back to you.

Karen