Dealing with a hard decision

[sandra]

I just called my husband to ask him this. He said the vet did not say he would do it for free, that's just the impression he got. The vet did say that none of them wanted to see him put down and there were two girls that were willing to take him.

I guess we would also be putting him in a bad position. WE are willing to take him, yet, it is not fair for us to say that we want his services free or a reduced price.

[sandra]

He has been on pain medicine and muscle relaxers since Sunday night. He was comfortable and wagging his tail happy this morning. The stone had not budged so it didn't appear that he was going to pass it.

We have not gotten a second opinion. We totally trust this vet because he was the second opinion when we were about to put him down two years ago because of the salivary gland problem. The "people" surgeon was called in when no other vets thought they could handle it.

[KSH]

I just called my husband to ask him this. He said the vet did not say he would do it for free, that's just the impression he got. The vet did say that none of them wanted to see him put down and there were two girls that were willing to take him.

I guess we would also be putting him in a bad position. WE are willing to take him, yet, it is not fair for us to say that we want his services free or a reduced price.

Well, you might want to go to another vet. Another vet might give you a more positive diagnosis or maybe not charge as much for the surgery.

I think you also need to speak with this vet and really figure out what is going on behind the scenes. So there are two people willing to take the dog... and both of them can afford the surgery? Or are they getting the surgery at a reduced rate.

It just seems a bit cruel for them to say they will pay for it if one of them gets to keep the dog. Anyone who is a dog owner would know how this would break your heart.

[Blueberry]

Sandra-

Point taken, but I still don't see why you shouldn't get be offered the same financial deal (whatever it is) that he is giving his staff. You've raised him, cared for him, taken him through other surgeries, and loved him. It just doesn't seem right....You're doing what we all do with pets (because we have to), which is try to balance prognosis with pain and cost of treatment. Changing one of those variables (cost of treatment) for someone else who would get to keep him just doesn't seem right....

I do think the other decision is whether you want him to have the surgery at all....My kitty was in good shape when we did it, but it *was* a painful and difficult surgery (think pain med *injections* for a week or so).

CA

[sandra]

Counting the ER Vet, we HAVE seen two vets. They both have said the same thing. I have read online, plus the experience of CA_in_NC, all seem to point to the same option.

[onimity]

I've heard about cases like this before, where essentially the vet is willing to do reduced price (usually) surgery where the person adopting the pet agrees to take on the medical care of the pet and not put the pet down except in cases where the pet has a fatal condition and the intent is to relieve suffering. When I adopted my (healthy) cat, the agreement I signed said that I would return him to the shelter rather than put him down if he was not terminally injured/ill. I know it seems cruel, but I think that the intent is to ensure that the pet lives a long and healthy life and will not be put down if more costly care becomes necessary. But from the perspective of the owner giving up the pet, I agree, it is very hard.

"I do believe it is a rather cruel trick to have to give him up to save his quality of life. It would have been better if they had just not told you--spirited him away and not given the fatal push."

I read about a case like this, actually, where the original owner found out and sued. I believe they had given them concrete powder or something in lieu of the pet's ashes. I think it's better to be honest about it personally...

Anne

[PinkPilot]

For some reason, I don't think they're trying to say that at all. I think his staff members are saying that they are willing to incur the expense at whatever rate for the surgery and to commit to incurring the expense for the rest of his life because they love Bull so much. I think they are heartbroken, too, and understand that sandra can't continue to incur expenses even though she loves him dearly, and feel that they can afford to look after him now in much the same way as parents who knowingly adopt a disabled child.

I had a dog who lived with me her entire life from 8 weeks until just shy of her 16th birthday and she had a lot of disabilities in the last few years and it can get very expensive. I know how heartbreaking this is. But, Ruffian loved the vet and his staff and, had I been so horribly unfortunate to have had to make a decision like this when she was 8, I would have been extremely grateful to my vet's staff. I knew them all very well.

It just seems a bit cruel for them to say they will pay for it if one of them gets to keep the dog. Anyone who is a dog owner would know how this would break your heart.

[Blueberry]

I would normally agree regarding someone who can/is willing to take on the financial responsibility for a pet.

HOWEVER, this pet belongs to someone who has done WAY more for him that most people would (and I could be wrong, but I think if there were a better/surer prognosis, would do it again here). This borderline is a case about relieving suffering and, sadly, balancing cost with quality of life/pain/future prognosis. I really wonder what those shelters would say if the pet required treatment in the 10's of thousands of dollars - I doubt they'd be able to fund it should an animal be returned. It's sad, but it is a line that sometimes has to be drawn. I just don't think this is the same situation. Sandra still has another pup, and this vet would presumptively keep being compensated for services provided to that other pet. She's not abandoning either one or failing to provide for their medical care - she is trying to make a heart wrenching decision, and her vet is putting her in an even worse situation.

Just my 2 cents.

[sandra]

HOWEVER, this pet belongs to someone who has done WAY more for him that most people would (and I could be wrong, but I think if there were a better/surer prognosis, would do it again here).

You are not wrong. One part of me would pay the money for the surgery, knowing it was a risk. Knowing he may not even make it. Not knowing what the next thing might be. And in a way we have already done that. This is the next thing.

But the logical part of me says "how much more, when do you stop? We have certain obligations that cannot be changed. Things that we have committed to that are not an optional, repair work on the house, our son's wedding...."

Then the emotional side of me says you have just spent money on other things but you draw the line here!" But believe me, we have spent more than most people spend on a typical pet. He has had more than his share of issues and it feels somewhat like living waiting for the other shoe to drop with him.

Back and forth. I guess this is normal.

It's so hard to finally draw the line and not feel remorse along with all of the sadness.

[sbctwin]

{{{Sandra}}}
It is a difficult decision you are faced with. I had a horrible time when I finally had to make the decision to let Kallie (my kitty) go. Her vet bills were very high and I didn't want to make a decision about her based on money. But, there comes a time when it does come down to money.

I did everything I could for Kallie, but in the end, my vet told me I made the right decision because, though for a few months she seemed to be on the mend, the last two weeks of her life were agonizing for her and for me watching her trying to breathe.

If someone told me that there was an oxygen cage available for Kallie that she could use at anytime, but she would have to be moved to that place, I would have taken it. I would rather know that tail wagging was wagging for someone, even if not for me, than to have put Kallie to sleep.

We, who are fur-guardians know the painful decision you have to make. Peace be with you....

[sandra]

My sweet boy Bull.

[IMG][/IMG]

[Blueberry]

Awww...Sandra...he's adorable....

[blueskies]

Sandra,

My heart goes out to you. This vet has put you in a very difficult spot with this offer. I've heard of one other vet making this kind of offer, and in that case he was going to perform the surgery for free if the cat was given up for adoption. In that case, the owner really couldn't afford any care for her cat beyond food, and so it was heart-breaking, but sort of understandable.

In your case, this vet has seen you go to great lengths, with time, care, affection, and money, to take care of Bull. If he's going to do the surgery for free or at a reduced rate, on the condition that you give Bull to one of the office workers, that is just cruel. Why doesn't their compassion extend to you?

So sorry that you're going through this. We also have a little dog with a lot of health problems, and I know how tough these treatment decisions are.

Hugs,
Blueskies

[mtbdarby]

Wow. I also have 2 dogs with health problems and just lost one of them due to the same issue. I choose not to have the xrays or surgery and instead switched them to an all natural diet. This did help greatly until the end - turned out she had a tumor and she went quickly.

Anyway, please talk to the vet with dh. Ask him to provide all the specifics and alternatives on the surgery, adoption, costs etc. If it turns out it's for free or reduced cost but it means giving him up let him know how unfair and unethical you feel that is (if that's what you feel). If the girls at the vets office are footing the bill and willing to pick up future expenses then it's a different story and your very tough decision to make. I would personally struggle with separating my two dogs and did. But financial decisions are a reality and that's why I decided not to have the xrays with Xena - if it was kidney stones it meant surgery and I'd already spent $700 on her (which was my son's school tuition).

Keep us posted. No one will judge your decision and we've hear for you no matter what happens. Spend as much time with that adorable dog regardless and enjoy the time you have. ((((hugs)))

[rij73]

Oh, Sandra... I never heard of any choice so agonizing dealing with a pet. I think I can imagine how you feel. There is no way I could let me dog go live with someone else...

If they are so heartbroken, why don't they do the surgery for free or split the cost with you or something??? To offer to do it for free but only if you give up Bull seems cruel to me although I'm sure it's not their intention. It puts you in a terrible position.

He is YOUR DOG. You are the only one qualified to decide whether the humane thing to do is put him to sleep. Putting him through surgery and then sending him to a stranger is not fair to him or to you. He will not be happy... He will be in pain from surgery and confused as to why he is not home. I think it would a terrible thing to do.

We will all support you whatever you decide, but I hope you understand and agree with what I am saying. It may just be poor Bull's time to go, and you will know it better than anyone. If you decide that saving him is worth a try and is not putting him through too much, I would encourage you to not let only the money stop you. You might feel guilty about it afterwards.

Best of luck! Big HUG!!!