Dealing with a hard decision

[mimitabby]

wow, that is a tough one. Do you have visitation rights?

[sandra]

wow, that is a tough one. Do you have visitation rights?

I don't know if I could bear it.

[KSH]

I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet little pup being so sick.

Gosh, this is a really hard situation.

Let's see...

1) Someone is willing to pay for the dogs surgery, but they get to keep the dog when the surgery is done? I think that is nice of that person, but somewhat cruel as well.

2) You have him put to sleep and he doesn't get the surgery.

Well, think about what is right for him, no matter how much it hurts you. What would be right for him is to give him an opportunity to live... even if that means you won't be his Mom anymore.

I had to make a hard decision like this a year ago. I was never home and my dog was acting out. She was also sick and I couldn't afford all the vet bills. I finally gave her to a new home, because I knew it was best for her. I cried my eyes out, but only for one night. After that I told myself I wasn't allowed to cry anymore, because I did what was best for her.... I did the right thing.

You see, the right thing doesn't always feel good to do... even if it's the right decision.

I wish you the best of luck in deciding what to do.

[KSH]

I have to say that I really don't think your vet should have put you in that situation. I don't understand why he would have to go to a new home for them to do the surgery for free. It doesn't sound like the person who would be getting him would be footing the bill, or really doing any of the surgery. I would call the vet himself and explain that you really appreciate what they're doing, but that you don't see why they couldn't do it free or for a reduced price for you. I just think he's put you in a worse situation emotionally than you would have been in putting him down.

I guess I have that question too. Would that person pay for the surgery, or would it be done for free and they get to keep the dog?

See, that's not right.

[Blueberry]

I guess I have that question too. Would that person pay for the surgery, or would it be done for free and they get to keep the dog?

See, that's not right.

Yeah - my impression was that he was just doing it because his staff asked him to and one of them wanted to take him home. I agree with you that perhaps letting him try, and going to a new home would be best (as opposed to putting him down) - but this *isn't* the situation where you can't/won't take care of your pet. I understand that when a neglected animal comes in, but this *clearly* isn't that situation.

I just really think the vet is wrong here. I'd definitely change vets after this is all over.

[sandra]

I just called my husband to ask him this. He said the vet did not say he would do it for free, that's just the impression he got. The vet did say that none of them wanted to see him put down and there were two girls that were willing to take him.

I guess we would also be putting him in a bad position. WE are willing to take him, yet, it is not fair for us to say that we want his services free or a reduced price.

[sandra]

He has been on pain medicine and muscle relaxers since Sunday night. He was comfortable and wagging his tail happy this morning. The stone had not budged so it didn't appear that he was going to pass it.

We have not gotten a second opinion. We totally trust this vet because he was the second opinion when we were about to put him down two years ago because of the salivary gland problem. The "people" surgeon was called in when no other vets thought they could handle it.

[KSH]

I just called my husband to ask him this. He said the vet did not say he would do it for free, that's just the impression he got. The vet did say that none of them wanted to see him put down and there were two girls that were willing to take him.

I guess we would also be putting him in a bad position. WE are willing to take him, yet, it is not fair for us to say that we want his services free or a reduced price.

Well, you might want to go to another vet. Another vet might give you a more positive diagnosis or maybe not charge as much for the surgery.

I think you also need to speak with this vet and really figure out what is going on behind the scenes. So there are two people willing to take the dog... and both of them can afford the surgery? Or are they getting the surgery at a reduced rate.

It just seems a bit cruel for them to say they will pay for it if one of them gets to keep the dog. Anyone who is a dog owner would know how this would break your heart.

[Blueberry]

Sandra-

Point taken, but I still don't see why you shouldn't get be offered the same financial deal (whatever it is) that he is giving his staff. You've raised him, cared for him, taken him through other surgeries, and loved him. It just doesn't seem right....You're doing what we all do with pets (because we have to), which is try to balance prognosis with pain and cost of treatment. Changing one of those variables (cost of treatment) for someone else who would get to keep him just doesn't seem right....

I do think the other decision is whether you want him to have the surgery at all....My kitty was in good shape when we did it, but it *was* a painful and difficult surgery (think pain med *injections* for a week or so).

CA

[onimity]

I've heard about cases like this before, where essentially the vet is willing to do reduced price (usually) surgery where the person adopting the pet agrees to take on the medical care of the pet and not put the pet down except in cases where the pet has a fatal condition and the intent is to relieve suffering. When I adopted my (healthy) cat, the agreement I signed said that I would return him to the shelter rather than put him down if he was not terminally injured/ill. I know it seems cruel, but I think that the intent is to ensure that the pet lives a long and healthy life and will not be put down if more costly care becomes necessary. But from the perspective of the owner giving up the pet, I agree, it is very hard.

"I do believe it is a rather cruel trick to have to give him up to save his quality of life. It would have been better if they had just not told you--spirited him away and not given the fatal push."

I read about a case like this, actually, where the original owner found out and sued. I believe they had given them concrete powder or something in lieu of the pet's ashes. I think it's better to be honest about it personally...

Anne

[ilima]

I guess I have that question too. Would that person pay for the surgery, or would it be done for free and they get to keep the dog?

See, that's not right.

It is right, though. Even though it hurts. Because more expenses are bound to come up. The woman who will adopt him knows this. Well, the OP should ensure the woman is prepared for this. Poodles generally have long life spans; my neighbor's died at 15 and they can live to be older. This dog may have many more years left.

I know it's not an easy decision. I have two 13-year-old dogs and financially I simply don't know what I would do if they needed something expensive. One of them did have a melanoma removed a couple years back and I always fear it will return leaving me with a very difficult decision to make.

[sandra]

There are many factors that I didn't even discuss. With congestive heart failure already and all of his other problems, I don't think he would have a really long life span, but there is no way of knowing.

We were trying to hold off surgery because the vet had explained that there was a chance that after the surgery he could have urethral stricture ~ scar tissue that forms and essentially having the same consequenses as the kidney stone ~ blockage. Then what? More surgery? We didn't even get that far.

He took Lasix for his CHF. For years we have worked our schedule around him being able to take his pill and us being home to let him outside. It is difficult to plan to go anywhere for any length of time because pet sitters/boarders are not able to stay with him and let him in and out constantly for 3 -4 hours.

No one wanted to see him put to sleep. We have to believe that we made the best decision for his future and medical care.

[Aggie_Ama]

(((Sandra))) I think you made the right decision. One of my little Schnauzers is a retired breeder with all sorts of ailments. The medical bills can be overwhelming and many times I ask myself if this is last time I can come up with it. I should have known the breeder was lying about what she had been through. My mother being an animal lover but I realist has guided me to asking the vet how much and just honestly saying I can't (she went blind but I couldn't afford the doggie optometrist to tell me why). Although it hurts someone who knows what they are facing took him in. He can continue to be loved but you can stop having to wonder "How much more can we take?"

One a side note about the stones. Little dogs can dissolve them but if not they can't really pass them. My other Schnauzer (all 7 pounds of her) had one removed this year to the tune of $900!! But when I saw the thing I could see why she couldn't pass it, they look like lava stones and her's was the size of a thumbnail.

[Blueberry]

WOW! Hugs to both you and your DH. That's a *really* tough situation.

I have to say that I really don't think your vet should have put you in that situation. I don't understand why he would have to go to a new home for them to do the surgery for free. It doesn't sound like the person who would be getting him would be footing the bill, or really doing any of the surgery. I would call the vet himself and explain that you really appreciate what they're doing, but that you don't see why they couldn't do it free or for a reduced price for you. I just think he's put you in a worse situation emotionally than you would have been in putting him down.

As an aside, we've been through 2 surgeries with a kitty with the same problem. One of the things they tried (which did help some) was to give our kitty a serious muscle relaxer to try to make it easier for him to pass the stone. It didn't work, but it did make it more comfortable until they could do the surgery (we did the flush thing and it didn't work, so we had to do the full surgery).

CA