Dealing with a hard decision

[sandra]

We spent the night Sunday night at the Emergency Vets with our 8 year old male poodle pup. $200 and many hours later, it was determined that he has a kidney stone.

He stayed overnight and we picked him up early Monday morning and took him to our regular vet. Several X-rays, hours later, and $100 more, he still has a kidney stone that has not budged. The vet wanted to wait it out and hope he could pass it. He said surgery was the last option because the dog already had congestive heart failure and there's no guarantee that he'd make it through the surgery, plus, with a dog as tiny as he is, the urethra is so small, it is a risky surgery and may not be successful. They could try to flush it back up into the bladder, but the chance of that working and it dissolving are very slim. We'd probably be back in the vet next week with the same problem.

He came home for the night with constant observation. He can barely urinate, but we had to watch to make sure that he was able to go some so that we didn't have to deal with a ruptured bladder. We gave him a special diet last night, we took him out for 5 minutes every hour. I watched with a flashlight hoping he would pass it.

He returned to the vet today and we were told that about the only option was surgery which would be $300 - $500 MORE.

We had some tough decisions to make. He has been an expensive dog already. He is 8 years old and had not been a healthy dog. Just two years ago he had a ruptured salivary gland and a real "people" surgeon was brought in to operate on him. He also has congestive heart failure.

Our son is getting married in 5 months ($$$$) and we have other major expenses coming up. We have cried and agonized about what a good ole dog he is and trying to make a decision. I finally just could not do it and left it to my husband.

After talking to the vet today, dear hubby, soft hearted as he is, said that we thought the best thing to do would be to put the dog to sleep. We were both broken and crushed to make the decision, but we accepted that it was probably the best thing. We are not rich people and just did not feel like we could put close to $1000 in this dog at his age and with all of his health problems already. The vet offered to work with us on a payment plan, but again we would STILL have to pay it and there was no guarantee that he would even make it.

We have lost 2 nights sleep and I had cried all morning. Hubby gave the final word and told them to put him to sleep. It is not a decision we made lightly.

Then the unexpected. The vet called back and said that everyone in the clinic was so upset. They remember Bull from when he has his other surgery. He was such a special case to have a real surgeon operate on him. He had a proposal. He asked for permission to do the surgery and if he could survive and make it through, there was a girl that worked there that wanted Bull.

My husband immediately thought that this was the answer we needed. He felt better that he would not have to be put to sleep. He would have a good home, someone that loved him and now access to free medical care with all of his many conditions.

I, on the other hand, am crushed. It is hard to bear the thought of him with someone else and not here where he was so loved. He has been happy here for 8 years and I don't think he will be as happy in his new home.

We have not signed the paper yet saying that it is OK to give him away. I don't know how people bear the pain of putting a dog to sleep. And now this for some reason feels even harder. I feel like I have failed him.

As I type through tears, I appreciate any kind words or things that I have not thought of in my emotional state. Pets can be just like kids.

[OakLeaf]

oh (((((((sandra))))))) hugs

I don't have any advice for you. Each pet is different - making the decision was different for each of our four dogs.

But just, I really feel for you, I know just how horribly painful it is, and sending good vibes to you and Bull.

[mimitabby]

wow, that is a tough one. Do you have visitation rights?

[sandra]

wow, that is a tough one. Do you have visitation rights?

I don't know if I could bear it.

[Zen]

My husband immediately thought that this was the answer we needed. He felt better that he would not have to be put to sleep. He would have a good home, someone that loved him and now access to free medical care with all of his many conditions.

I, on the other hand, am crushed. It is hard to bear the thought of him with someone else and not here where he was so loved. He has been happy here for 8 years and I don't think he will be as happy in his new home.

Sandra, your husband is right.
He will be plenty loved in his new home.
Having just gone through the experience of losing my buddy of 15 years I know what losing a pet is like but if he could still be alive in someone elses care I'd take that option in a second.

[Blueberry]

WOW! Hugs to both you and your DH. That's a *really* tough situation.

I have to say that I really don't think your vet should have put you in that situation. I don't understand why he would have to go to a new home for them to do the surgery for free. It doesn't sound like the person who would be getting him would be footing the bill, or really doing any of the surgery. I would call the vet himself and explain that you really appreciate what they're doing, but that you don't see why they couldn't do it free or for a reduced price for you. I just think he's put you in a worse situation emotionally than you would have been in putting him down.

As an aside, we've been through 2 surgeries with a kitty with the same problem. One of the things they tried (which did help some) was to give our kitty a serious muscle relaxer to try to make it easier for him to pass the stone. It didn't work, but it did make it more comfortable until they could do the surgery (we did the flush thing and it didn't work, so we had to do the full surgery).

CA

[KSH]

I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet little pup being so sick.

Gosh, this is a really hard situation.

Let's see...

1) Someone is willing to pay for the dogs surgery, but they get to keep the dog when the surgery is done? I think that is nice of that person, but somewhat cruel as well.

2) You have him put to sleep and he doesn't get the surgery.

Well, think about what is right for him, no matter how much it hurts you. What would be right for him is to give him an opportunity to live... even if that means you won't be his Mom anymore.

I had to make a hard decision like this a year ago. I was never home and my dog was acting out. She was also sick and I couldn't afford all the vet bills. I finally gave her to a new home, because I knew it was best for her. I cried my eyes out, but only for one night. After that I told myself I wasn't allowed to cry anymore, because I did what was best for her.... I did the right thing.

You see, the right thing doesn't always feel good to do... even if it's the right decision.

I wish you the best of luck in deciding what to do.

[KSH]

I have to say that I really don't think your vet should have put you in that situation. I don't understand why he would have to go to a new home for them to do the surgery for free. It doesn't sound like the person who would be getting him would be footing the bill, or really doing any of the surgery. I would call the vet himself and explain that you really appreciate what they're doing, but that you don't see why they couldn't do it free or for a reduced price for you. I just think he's put you in a worse situation emotionally than you would have been in putting him down.

I guess I have that question too. Would that person pay for the surgery, or would it be done for free and they get to keep the dog?

See, that's not right.

[sandra]

We have another dog, another poodle, but this was my special dog. He was the cuddly, loveable one. We have been through so much together.

This vet has animals walking around it it all the time. Pets of the workers, resuce dogs, etc. My two dogs were scheduled for grooming this Thursday. If I ever go there and he is there walking around, it sure will be painful.

[sandra]

I have not talked to the vet. I'm not sure if the surgery would be free or if she would just get a discounted rate. I do know they have a hard time putting any dog to sleep there, so I'm sure it was hard for the vet too.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Sandra,
I really feel for you. I know how hard this is.

Here's what could happen:
1) Bull could be put to sleep now.
2) Bull could have the surgery successfully and have a new loving home for his remaining life and receive great medical care (at least until some other ailment does him in).
3) Bull could have an unsuccessful surgery and not make it through.

What would be the best thing for Bull?

Seems to me all 3 options involve Bull not suffering a lengthy great deal of pain. That's good.
So then...if you were Bull which option would you choose?

If I were Bull, I would choose option #2.
Option #2 also has the advantage of not costing you any more.

One other thing to consider:
Any of your options are going to involve you crying a lot and feeling absolutely miserable. So you really can't avoid that aspect of it. So with that in mind, try to think of what is best for Bull, not for you.

I'm just trying to help you see the situation from a more objective angle of not being inside it. Believe me, I know how heartbreaking it all is.

Sending hugs and good vibes out to you and yours.....

[Blueberry]

I guess I have that question too. Would that person pay for the surgery, or would it be done for free and they get to keep the dog?

See, that's not right.

Yeah - my impression was that he was just doing it because his staff asked him to and one of them wanted to take him home. I agree with you that perhaps letting him try, and going to a new home would be best (as opposed to putting him down) - but this *isn't* the situation where you can't/won't take care of your pet. I understand that when a neglected animal comes in, but this *clearly* isn't that situation.

I just really think the vet is wrong here. I'd definitely change vets after this is all over.

[KSH]

We have another dog, another poodle, but this was my special dog. He was the cuddly, loveable one. We have been through so much together.

This vet has animals walking around it it all the time. Pets of the workers, resuce dogs, etc. My two dogs were scheduled for grooming this Thursday. If I ever go there and he is there walking around, it sure will be painful.

So, is there anyway to wait it out to see if he passes it or not? Can you get him some pain meds until he does?

All I know is that vets are like car mechanics... they give the worst case scenario most of the time and then give you a huge bill to pay so the "worse case scenario" doesn't happen.

My friends had a vet operate on their cat, which ended up being $2,000... to find out NOTHING was wrong with the cat.

That's just one example.

Have you gotten a second opinion? Kidney stones are bad, but maybe he can pass them at some point? Isn't it worth a shot?

[onimity]

Hi Sandra,

That sounds like a heartbreaking decision. I think that if you cannot afford to provide medical care for your dog and there is someone that can provide that for him, you have to do the right thing for the dog and let him go with the person that can provide what he needs. I know what you mean, though, my cat got very sick when I was unemployed and getting ready to move across the country. My other cat landed himself in the pet-ER a month later. Pets can be very, very expensive.

But I think that the better option if you cannot make it work financially is for the dog would be to go with someone that can keep him alive and healthy. That's not failing him, that's selflessly doing the right thing for the dog you love. I am sure that the girl that wants to adopt him will love him very much and take good care of him.

Anne

[Tuckervill]

Oh, you poor dear. This is one of those things that requires the wisdom of Solomon, and I'm once again falling short.

I do believe it is a rather cruel trick to have to give him up to save his quality of life. It would have been better if they had just not told you--spirited him away and not given the fatal push.

I think Lisa's right--isn't it about what's humane from Bull's point of view? With his other health problems, is the surgery even the right thing? I don't think we can know.

I know one thing. Regret is poison. Don't do something you know you'll regret. I realize he's in a lot of pain. Maybe you can just delay the decision for a while--keep Bull comfortable and happy in the meantime with whatever means necessary. Decide to give it a day or two more. It may become obvious, like it was for my little Percy back in March.

{{{Sandra}}}

Karen