SERIOUS emotional advice needed - What would you do???

[stacie]

It sounds like everyone is experiencing a great degree of pain. I"m sure the mother of the boy who killed the cyclist is feeling helpless and angry too. I copied the following from a website.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. All your feelings are normal. It is helpful, however, to know
that human grief is a process that often follows a healing pattern.

Shock is the first stage. It is accompanied by disbelief and numbness.

Denial follows quickly, crying "I don't believe it," or "It can't be."

Bargaining is your promise that "I'll be so very good that maybe I can wake up and find that it isn't so.
I'll do all the right things if only...."

Guilt is painful and hard to deal with. This is when one says over and over, "If only I had..." or "If only
I had not..." This is a normal feeling and ultimately it may be solved by stating, "I'm a human being and
I gave the best and worst of me to my friend (child, husband, etc...) and what he or she does with that is
his or her responsibility.

Anger is another big factor which seems to be necessary in order to face the reality of life and then to
get beyond it. We must all heal in our own ways. Anger is a natural stage through which we must pass.
Your anger at your deceased loved one may even make you feel guilty, or it may be because your own
life continues whereas your friend's life is over.

Depression is a stage of grief that comes and goes. Knowing this, be prepared to give yourself time to
heal. Resignation is a late stage. It comes when finally you accept the truth.

Acceptance and hope! Understand that you will never be the same but your life can go on to find
meaning and purpose.

[CCinSC]

Mr. Silver,

I think writing a letter is a great idea. However, I would not send it to the newspaper or mail it to the Mother, I would mail it back to myself. I know that sounds odd, but it will help. After Mrs. Silver pours out her heart, get the letter out of the house so she won't continue to read it over and over. When it arrives in the mail then she will reread it with refreshed thoughts. If she still wants to send it to the Mother or Editor then she should. Unless I miss my guess, she will probably be glad she didn't send it due to the intensity of the emotions but she will still feel better for the emotional release. Just MHO.

Hugs to you and yours during this difficult time.

[silver]

Hi all, thank you all so much for your input and support.

As the week has gone by, the anger and frustration have passed. I do not believe that I need to write any letters. I really feel that for me, I need to just focus on the Share the Road signs and move forward. I will continue to honor Sam's memory in that way. The debate continues to rage on in the papers comments. The "club rider" is hated in this area. I only ride with them on the rare occasion.

I'll continue to obey the laws and be courteous. Hopefully we can build bridges.

If the case goes to trial, I'll be called to testify and because of that, It's probably best that I not let myself get pulled into any discussions about the issues and really it's easier that way.

I did want to say something on the issue of forgiveness. I do forgive this young man. I don't wish things to go poorly for him. I truely wish him the best. I'm sure that this is devastating. However, even with forgiveness there are consequences to our actions.

with my apologies to Invisible Woman, I wanted to make an analogy (Mr. is that the right description). She was hit by an 80 year old man who ran a red light. She's contacted a lawyer. I don't have any problem with that and would have encouraged her to do so. This situation is very similar.