SERIOUS emotional advice needed - What would you do???

[Mr. Bloom]

I just read the article and some replies. My question is why sue? It appears is was an accident. Including the bike club, company the guy worked for, just makes the lawsuit look poor. I'm not sure to what end bringing suit solves.

I can only suspect the motivation for suing, but there is a legal perspective for for who got sued:

The bike club: among other things, apparently neglected to put emergency services on notice (including the police) so that they could be adequately staffed for contingencies. I assure you that the police were quite visible today

The employer: Family owned business, son was driving a car owned by the business.

Personally, after seeing the site today, I DON'T believe it was an accident. To me, the track was clear...this kid was negligent and careless.

[silver]

I'm still deep into processing what happened.....

Your replies are so helpful.

I know some of the background into why she is suing. I can't discuss all the details. I'll say that I understand why she's doing it and she does have a case but I think there are legal reasons behind some of the named defendants and that some of the defendents will be dropped eventually.

the driver was ticketed for failure to yield and fined $129.

I would not call it an accident.

[sandra]

My experience with anyone that makes things "all about them" is that you cannot change that. No matter how much explaining or pointing out you try to do, YOU usually end up being frustrated because it will invariably get twisted from what your best intentions are trying to accomplish.

I think you both have to grieve in your own way and no one can dictate how or how long it might take. Silver is doing what is healing and helpful for her and I commend her for the work she has don. The other lady is coping the best that she knows how.

[blueskies]

Mr. & Mrs. Silver,

Just wanted to say that I have a tremendous amount of respect for the two of you, and the way that you've dealt with this tragic situation, and Silver's own crash, from last year to this. The two of you are a class act.

Blueskies

[Mr. Bloom]

Mr. & Mrs. Silver,

Just wanted to say that I have a tremendous amount of respect for the two of you, and the way that you've dealt with this tragic situation, and Silver's own crash, from last year to this. The two of you are a class act.

Blueskies

Wow! Thanks for the kind words...they're undeserved though. I still wish we didn't feel this anger and uncertainty about what to do. But, I guess we continue to be our own biggest critic

[RoadRaven]

Blueskies, can I echoe you please and say
"Class Act indeed they sure are - with capital letters and underlined!"

Silver, in my thoughts I have made the same analogy between Dawn and the incident last year that resulted in the death of your friend and your own injury... there should be accountability - relevant and meaningful accountability on the part of the negligent driver. How we measure that accountability is problematic.



Can I please ask everyone in this thread to consider not using the term "accident" in relation to an incident like this. Call it a crash, an incident, an event... but it is not an accident.

This boy did not cause an accident. An accident is preventable... this was preventable but it happened. This was not an accident, just as Dawn/Invsblwmn's injuries were not caused by an accident... just as my three fellow-club members were not involved in an accident.

Please note I am not the first to say this is not an accident... perhaps respect Silver's opinion (previous page). She was there and she knows it was not an accident....

[Mr. Bloom]

I don't know about us being a class act, but we appreciate the kind words.

Flybye and Tuckervill both reminded me of a spiritual perspective on this.

Scripture calls on me to be full of "truth and grace"...and, if you're full of both, they're in balance.

Truth = telling her that I feel what she did was inappropriate

Grace = forgiving her for what she's done

To maintain them in balance means that I can tell her the truth as long as it is not in a destructive, self-servicing, way. Scripture also says: "In your anger, don't sin".

I think I'll let time pass...and then write her a brief note that is direct, polite and forgiving.

Sorry to preach, but I think this perspective forms the basis for resolving my dilemna...plus Silver is also feeling better...

[SR500]

I didn't mean to imply it wasn't terrible. My DH ran a light as a teenager and hit a car, no one was injured, but there was a lot of damage including is employers truck. He was negligent (changing the radio station), but not cited and important for his future not fired. I just don’t know the best way to move forward, but it seems to rarely involve attorneys.

I know CIBA has been taking some heat lately. What people don’t seem to remember is that Bike Clubs are almost always volunteer organizations, that rarely have enough people to run for offices, let alone volunteer to assist with events. It will be sad if the suit distracts people from getting involved in the club, when Sam was alive I’m guessing he was an avid supporter of biking in the area.

[Aggie_Ama]

My suggestion is contact the local paper and hope some reporter will touch this story. Use the angle of the memorials being stolen, not the other issues. The memorial missing might be more newsworthy than a small scale conflict. And the reporter may take the conflict to make a bigger story out of it. It may only get a brief written but I think most people are respectful of a memorial whether they agree that cyclist should be there.

[silver]

SR500, I agree that the bike club is not at fault. I'm not a member, but have participated in some of their activities. I don't know all the details. I do know some of them. I do think that they will be dropped from the suit. I dont' know what the legal reasoning is, but I'm just assuming that there may be some legal reason that they were named that I do not know.

I've thought it through and the only thing that I fault them for is that they didn't notify/remind the law enforcement that they were having the event. That seems pretty careless to me. One of the deputies that came, told me, that they didn't know that the bike ride was going on that day. He said that he thought when he first heard the accident on his radio that it must have been a motorcycle. But in saying that, I still don't think that they should be included in the suit because of it.

Now I will go on to say, that the Bike club here is.........well, how do I say it......different. The day of the accident, I was sitting on the curb crying, trying to figure out how that we could get in touch with Sam's wife when i bike club guy came over to us to get our names and information. I asked him, "are you with the race? Can't you get his contact info off his registration form to call his wife?" He proceeded to lecture me that this wasn't a race it was a ride, a tour, etc.

I was looking at him, with a you must be crazy look. True enough, it wasn't a race. I should have know better. I come from a running background, organized runs are called races. I've only participated in few bike events and oops, in my emotional state of watching a man be given CPR, I slipped up and called it a race. Sorry.

The bike club here is known for being somewhat exclusive and stand offish. I'm feel sure that this attitude may have contributed towards the widow's decision to include them.

I went to a Share the Road meeting recently. Another aside to say that the bike club has been very slow to do anything to help with this initiative, even seemed against it, until Jim, got the ball rolling and then they seemed to want to jump on since the initiative was actually going well.

Anyway, at the meeting, Sam's widow acked if anyone was there from the Bike Club, she said that they had mailed Sam a registration form for the ride and that the timing hit her particularly hard and could they PLEASE, make sure that they didn't mail her deceased husband another registration form in the future. there was silence......the bike club president made a note on her papers and said "I'll tell Mike(not his real name) he just merges all those files." It was just so callous.

Anyway, they did put on a great ride yesterday, truly, I don't fault them. I've ridden with them, and a lot of them are great!

[quint41]

Local paper? This is the kind of thing that John Stossel (ABC - "Give me a Break") loves, isn't it?

I read the articles and a bunch of the comments posted on the newspaper website following the article.

I ride almost entirely in groups. Nothing fires me up like seeing people riding 2 and 3 abreast on busy roads, or riding through red lights. Our bikes are vehicles, and we are supposed to FOLLOW THE RULES OF THE ROAD. Those same cyclists would be screaming if cars were driving side-by-side or running red lights! (And I'm NOT saying BY ANY MEANS that is what happened in this accident! Don't get me wrong!) What I am saying is that until all cyclists behave properly and follow the rules, our ranting is going to fall on deaf ears. Yesterday, I had a car pass me as we approached a stop sign. He passed, and pulled right into the breakdown lane to prepare to turn right. Pulled right into my path. Another driver coming in the opposite direction almost broadsided me as he began to turn into a gas station on my side of the road. I am the visi-yellow queen! I am cautious. I use a mirror, keep my head up, eyes open, and always let the monster death machines have the right of way. But because drivers are so sick and tired of having to deal with pacelines blowing through intersections, and riders taking up the travel lane, I could be the one who takes the brunt of their fury, leaving two kids without a mother.

As for dedicated bike lanes and the like ... I don't know how the rest of the country works it out, but the Connecticut bike paths that I've been on leave MUCH to be desired! Cracks, frost heaves, sand, broken glass, much more hazardous for a road bike than riding the breakdown lane of a busy thoroughfare. Plus the obstacles of runners, walkers, bladers and kids with training wheels. I'm not saying they don't deserve a place to exercise as well, but most road bike riders around here find our "bike paths" more frustrating than useful.

There is strength in numbers. All cyclists need to follow the rules. Only then can we have any kind of strength.

This is kind of disjointed, but I just felt the need to say it.